Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? Don’t we have 4 kids? Where is Tuesday? Did I really have a child die from cancer? Cancer?! Are you kidding me? This doesn’t make any sense. Why is Piper helping Charley make pancakes alone? Tuesday should be there. Her picture is everywhere. I know I’m not making this up. Honest. We have four kids.
I know I said I wanted to freeze the girls at 18 months. I love that age. But I didn’t mean it. I wanted her to grow up and be a sassy mouthed 7 year old. I wanted to fight with her over what she could and couldn’t wear to school. I wanted to be mad at her, yet so relieved, when she wrecked her first car. Just enough to scare her. I wanted to be mad at her when she went over on her minutes by $489 dollars. I know she would not have been any more perfect than the rest of my children, but now she is. She never had the chance to grow up and let us down. How hard will that be to live up to? I can already hear it. You loved Tuesday more.
No.
We love you more Because of Tuesday.
We all love them more because of Tuesday.
What a special post. My prayers are with your family and the love you give each child.
i just can’t imagine. i think those are the things i would think of too. all the “normal” stuff missed. praying for you all. tuesday has taught me to never take anything for granted. i’m eternally grateful.
I am so sorry. I just can’t even imagine the pain you are going through. I am just so sorry.
F the platitudes. It is f’n bloody horrible, makes no sense. Enough to make you feel crazy, confused, furious, weak, miserable, unreal, achingly sad. Losing you child is every bit as horrible as your worst nightmare imagined. Love will get you through, but it won’t always feel like that at the moment.
From yet another stranger who loves you all.
I’m so sorry. She should be making pancakes, I’m sorry.
The end of this post….
wow. amazing.
sometimes cliches are the only words. And they speak and so do you and your words are your voice and your voice is needed. For you and for so many others.
LOVE this post. Tuesday will always be around in spirit 🙂 Prayers go out to you all.
~Elyse~
your honesty is healing. i cannot even begin to imagine. God bless you and your precious family.
with all the hugs/prayers i can send your way…
suz
i don’t know what’s going on. i think maybe your heart was ripped out of your chest, and in it’s place a new one is growing… recognizable in some ways, and oh so different in good and bad and sad and hopeful and confusing ways.
you and your husband and your FOUR kids are an inspiration, although i know you certainly don’t care to be and would give anything not to be. but please, let me thank you anyway.
Oh, my heart goes out to you so much. These feelings are still so raw in me that I feel them so much for you. I think about all of you daily. I carry you with me during your grief and beyond that. Sweet Tuesday will forever be cherished by many!
I just found your blog and am really touched by your honesty. I am so sorry for your loss. I do know the pain of losing a child. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I love the post of Tuesday and Piper dancing in their tutu. It is precious!
Sending you hugs!
You do have 4 children. Will always be a mother of 4! I SO wish you could enjoy all of those things with sweet Tuesday! It just isn’t fair!
Thinking of you often! Sending prayers of healing!
are are not cliches, they are all things that are so true. write them whenever you want, can, need to…i am not sure if it makes anything better, but maybe just gives you a little breathing room? we will always read and pray. and send love, paltry as they may be. and support you how ever we can.
and this may be a place where you can come later and they can come later to learn more about you and your love for all your children.
always sending love.
I’ve been silently following your battle for Tuesday. You said it perfectly when you stated.. NO I love YOU more Because of Tuesday.
Sweet lady, know God is holding Tuesday, and she suffers NO more. Easier said then done I know. Easier for ME to say, then to hear those come off your lips. I don’t know your struggle, but know I am praying, praying, praying for you,
because we moms take it harder than anyone else. It is us who felt them in our wombs. Us who battled during those long hours of labor. But know too.. He *GOD KNOWS your struggle. Reach for him, he will bring you comfort during your sadness, hurt, anger, hate. Yes I said hate. Its normal to feel it after a love one passes.
I’m sorry for rambling. I dont know you personally.. But I ache for you,,, I’m sorry..
And know too.. I LOVE YOU.
God BLESS YOU and your precious children.
Thank you so much for sharing those special feelings with us..what a sweet post.
Like other have said….I can’t imagine….continued prayers and thanks for your raw honesty.
Love you, Tuesday. Love you so, so, so much.
You have 4 children and you are, and always will be, a twin mom. I can’t imagine how hard it is seeing Tuesday everywhere, but I think it’s so good she is. She’s an important part of your lives and your lives have forever changed because of her. She’s changed mine and I’m so grateful to her for it.
Love you sweetheart.
lisa
Tuesday has made me love my kids more too. Sweet Jessica Kate (I LOVE that name), please know you are on my mind a lot. This is just plain hard. HUGS! Did you name Tuesday after the song? I did a search and there are a gazillion people that sing it!!!
You’re always in my thoughts and prayers.
I love my kids more because of Tuesday too.
I’m sorry Jess. It must be heartwrenching to see life moving forward and things falling back into “normal” place and be horrbily aware that you are missing one of the fundamental pieces of you…your baby.
Please know that Tuesday is not forgotten. Even for a second. She is not gone, even though she’s not here.
I wish so badly for you that things were different. Praying for you.
love,
ang
I have thought WTF many times since all of this started happening with Tuesday. At times, so, so angry that GOOD PEOPLE like you guys are having to endure the worst kind of pain imaginable. Too often, it seems, pain happens to the best people. But then I keep coming back to the fact that so many lives are forever changed in a good way because of the 2+ years that Tuesday lived on Earth. Do you know that even though I never got a chance to meet her face-to-face, I carry part of her with me each and every day? You’re right that she never got the chance to prove that she wasn’t perfect. But you couldn’t have said it any better when you said that you love Spencer, Axel and Piper more BECAUSE of Tuesday. I think alot of us feel that we are learning to love more and to love better because of Tuesday.
Always sending love to the Whitts,
Kristy Grigsby
So perfectly said.
Yes darlin, you have 4 beautiful children! I am so sorry you will have to miss out on Tuesday’s growing up, and don’t doubt for a second that you will love each of your children with all your heart. Sending hugs your way!
You do have 4 kiddos. No one or any stupid diseases can take that away from you. Tuesday will always count no matter what. It doesn’t make sense. Who knows if it ever will in this lifetime. But one day Jess…I swear it will all come together. It better.
Love you too sister.
B
Sending love and prayers…
What a truth that is.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers every, every day!!
Much love!!
I love you how your said, “You love them more because of Tuesday”. That’s so true isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing this, and wording it so appropriately. I share your sentiments. I don’t think our bodies ever come to terms with the fact that one child has died. Our minds might know it, but our human bodies, still keep counting heads and worrying that one is missing. They don’t ever get it. It’s hard.
we ALL love more BECAUSE of Tuesday!
Praying for you as you find your way.
My girls are about to be 18 months old and I see why you love this age so much. Twins are so special. As much praying as I have done lately for families that have lost a child, I still have a hard time understanding.
Prayers will continue for your family.
I don’t know you or your husband or any of your family. But I think of Tuesday often. And it makes me so sad and so angry because it’s simply not fair. But, I also like to think that your Tuesday is a guardian angel for all of us. And I know that’s not fair either. Tuesday makes me stop and remember not to take my son for granted. I will continue to keep all of you in my thoughts.
the moving on part is the hardest. we will remember tuesday with you. she will not be forgotten. thank you for your heartfelt post!
Hugs…
You will always have 4 children. You will always be a twin mummy.
We will always love you.
We will always love Tuesday.
Much love honey.
You DO have 4 children Jessica. 3 here with you now and 1 with you always! Tuesday will never be gone from your life, nor will she ever be gone from the other children's lives….you'll all remember her in awe~
Still praying for all of you,
?,Lilly
I’m so, so sorry she is not in your arms. She is still with you all, making pancakes, dancing to “Blinded by the Light.” All those things, she’s still there.
Thank you for sharing your most intimate thoughts about Tuesday with us. Your words are soothing when your life is anything but.
I'm a better mom because of her. I, too, love my kids more because of TU TU.
Tuesday has changed my life like no other person has. I'm forever grateful to you & your family for sharing this experience with me. I've prayed, sent food, gift cards, tried to sell the calendar to everyone I know & even people I don't know..all to save Tuesday. We have to find a cure for childhood cancer and Tuesday will always be remembered for her part in the journey.
i’m so sorry….this post is extremely powerful.
When I wrote earlier today about platitudes I did not intend to mean that either you Jess, or your supporters were speaking in cliches. I’m so very sorry if I caused offense. I did not mean that at all. No point in trying to explain. Just to say Jess, that your way with words, and your honesty is amazing, and helping to heal many wounded hearts, including mine. Grief is a whirling dervish, that one minutes sets you down gently, in a place of great strength and wisdom, then picks you up and flings you into unfathomable chaos. That you are able to share with us from many perspectives of your sad journey is a gift to us all. And sweet Tuesday was surely a great gift to all of us. Love is all there is.
Tuesday lives in your hearts now, instead of your home. She will always, always be your daughter and you will always be her mother. The love of a mother for her child can NOT be broken by human mortality. It lives much longer than we ever could. It lives forever.
I don’t have any experience with losing an older child, but I’ve always like to share an article with mommy’s who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5195551
In a nut shell, research has found that a part of your babies always remain a part of you. I find some comfort in that. You can read the scientific details for yourself. But resting inside your body this very moment are some of Tuesday’s cells. At the time of this article, exactly what those cells are doing is up for debate, but there is a theory that they help protect the mother. That’s such a comforting thought to me. I hope it might be for you, too.
YOU are such an incredible woman and mother. Your words ring from the depths of you so true and raw. I noticed that quality when I first started reading you. And I love what Deb said, yes, you and your FOUR children are an inspiration and we know you don’t want to be but now you are.
I think of you and Tuesday so much….you are always in my prayers. This pain, this realization, this loss will never leave you I know – it will just become a part of you. Of who you all are.
And yes, Tuesday will always be perfect. But somehow I think that with you as their mama, your other three children will understand that perfection and never ever feel threatened or less than because of it. They will always feel more…because of you.
I cannot imagine the difficulty you experience every day when you wake up and realize all over again that Tuesday is not longer physically with you. Like many others have said, you will always have 4 children. Piper will always be a twin. Saying that you love the others more BECAUSE of Tuesday is so very powerful.
I was talking with someone earlier today about you. We both said that there isn’t a Tuesday that goes by that we don’t think about Tuesday. Your story has touched so many people. It isn’t fair that you are having to learn to live without your beautiful daughter, but please know that there are so, so many people who are praying for you each and every day.
Love to the Whitts.
Trina
you amaze me…because you are allowing us to see that not only are you real, but you have real feelings and you are in real life and things are not perfect…and in spite of it all, you love each other a little more, stand in your faith in god, and continue on…
sorry seems so wrong and so little, so just know that we love you, even though we don’t know you…and continue to pray for you.
You are right, we ALL love them more because of Tuesday. You DO have 4 children, you will always have Tuesday. She is just hanging out in heaven till you meet again. Your sweet girl will never be forgotten. She has made her mark. She has a place in ALL of our hearts.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
That is an amazing look into your real life as it is now. Your kids continue to grow, learn and change, except for Tuesday. there is so much to that truth that I’ve never considered before. I can’t imagine.
And, I think I’m safe in saying that we all love our kids a bit more because of Tuesday.
Ever ache so much you think you might vomit? I’d bet you have. My insides are twisting for you. I want to shout insane amounts of curse words at cancer right now. If cancer were right in front of me right now, I’d punch her right in the eye!
I am aching for your heartache.
BlogBaby
I love how “real” this post is, remember she isn’t in your arms but she will be in your heart FOREVER…huge hugs!
You speak so much of the reality of life and death.
Its unlike the pain of anything else.
I lost my mother young and to this day I still see girls being dragged through shopping centres fighting with there mums about there latest purchase..
And I think “why can’t that be me”
Why is there no one there to tell me off when I make some big mistake in life.
Life is not fair, life is cruel.
She’s there with you always, frozen in time or not.. shes there.
As many commenters have said, I can’t imagine what your family is going through. What you write keeps me trying to imagine it, though. I think we all love our children just a little more because of Tuesday.
My whole self hurts for you and your family. Tuesday has touched so many, many you’ll never even meet! Blessings and hope for each tomorrow to come a little easier. You’re in my prayers…….always!
Well said. Thanks for another reminder to cherish every moment. After years and years of infertility and very early miscarriages I still can’t even imagine what you must be going through having gotten to know one of God’s special spirits. My friend lost her son at 6 months who was born the same month as my twins 10 months ago. I just cried and cried from the moment I pulled into the parking lot for the funeral. Her and her husband ended up comforting and inspiring us all through the ceremony. It seems like moms who lose young children are tempered more hotly by the refiners fire yet come out more special and inspiring to all those they come in contact with.
Your family are in my prayers.
I love that picture of Tuesday. What a sweetie…there may be times your children will question the love you have for them and compare it to the love you have for Tuesday. I think the words you wrote are so true. If I may add, I love Tuesday because of you. So many people love your litle girl and she will forever live in my heart. I pray for you every day.
Oh Jess.
You do have 4 kids. Will always have 4 kids.
I hate that TuTu won’t get to let you down. I hate that you won’t get all of those normal experiences with her.
I hate that you are so sad.
Please call me when you can. I miss you and love you.
{hugs} I can’t even imagine what you are going though now.
We love them all more because of Tuesday. Your family has taught me to enjoy every minute I have with my babies.
Thank you for sharing with us.
{hugs}
Your words are always so perfect.
I lost a little girl in May 2005. One of my students said to me the other day (while looking at the picture I have behind my desk), “so you had 3 girls, now you only have 2?” My unfiltered response was “no you nit-witt. I will ALWAYS have 3 girls.” But I omitted the nit-witt part, hoping the question was all in innocence.
God Bless You!!! I know it’s hard…it sucks!!! But it will, and it does, get easier.
the honesty you with which you write takes such courage + strength, beyond anything i know. thank you for sharing so much with us. thank you for sharing tuesday.
When Mr Sunshine was a special needs teacher, sometimes one of his students would die. They had such life threatening impairments. One lovely Christian mum later always told people she had seven children, six live with her and one lives with Jesus. It always kept her little Matty included even to folk who had never met him.
I think your post gets that message across beautifully. You still have 4 children. Tuesday is living with Jesus. That doesn’t take away the pain of the separation and memory of her suffering.
Cancer sucks.
Praying for you & your family today & everyday.
God bless Tuesday.
~Colleen
My heart hurts for you.
All my prayers and love to you and your family!
Its crap. Total crap that you can’t get mad at Tuesday or watch her do things that normal kids do as they grow up. It makes my heart ache. No, ache isn’t a strong enough word. I don’t think there is a word to describe how I feel when I think of your loss. I love YOU more because of Tuesday. I love Charley and Spence and Axel and Piper more because of Tuesday. Tuesday will never leave my heart. She has given me new purpose and made me appreciate so much of life I took for granted. She has made me treasure those I love so much more. She has made me aware of the suffering that so many children experience and she has made me realize I am not going to just say “oh how sad” any more. I am going to help these people in any way I can. I am going to do it all for your family in Tuesday’s name.
We love you all more because of Tuesday, too. I wonder if she knows, up in heaven, how many lives she has touched, and is still touching. Amazing…
crying for you. praying for you. loving your family. all 6 of you.
xoxo,chalice
When someone dies we forget that they are real people with faults. It’s so hard to think of them making mistakes or doing silly or stupid things. I understand what you are saying. . . I agree with the one that said you still DO have four children. Just one is not with you right now. Sad for you now, but immensely happy for her now.
I think of your family daily and so wish there was a way to ease the pain. I love the line, “We love you more BECAUSE of Tuesday.” How true that is. How they will come to see that as truth as well.
Thinking of you all and praying for you EVERY DAY.
If it helps even a little, tiny bit, I think that I love my babies even more because of Tuesday as well. And, I would never, ever have believed that to be possible.
From yet another stranger… who feels at this point as if she is a friend.
Cathy
bless your little heart…. you are grieving on yet another layer, filled with anger and despair… its healthy to let it all out. feel your anger. because it wasnt fair. IT WASNT FAIR to lose her.
i’m so so sorry.
C
Love that picture. Too cute. I’m so sorry for your pain, more sorry that Tuesday will not get to experience all the things you want for her. You are forever a mommy of 4, and will hold number 4 again someday in God’s presence. Until then, I am praying for you and your family…
Yes, I do love my kids more because of Tuesday.
Tim
Oh what a sweetheart. It is so hard to believe that she’s gone!
Always keep your eyes on the Lord! Lifting up prayers right now!
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Prayer Bears
My email address
you will always have 4 children. My heart is still breaking and I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around what you have been through.
My prayers are with you.
Beautiful picture of Tuesday. She looks like a doll sitting there. She is so perfect, so beautiful.
I would think of all the every day stuff you miss out on too. But, you are right. You will love your other children even more BECAUSE of Tuesday!
many hugs!
no words, only ?
Is it ok that I pop over every time you post something new and I just want to scream?
Is it ok that when I read through all of your posts I want to fall to my knees and pray that this never ever ever happens to my family?
Is it ok that I don’t comment because I don’t want you to come over to my blog and see us whole and happy and cause you more hurt?
Is it ok that I feel like maybe I served my penance with God when I lost both my Dad and my step dad to cancer and that maybe just MAYBE he’ll spare me for the rest of my life?
Is it ok that I read your life and I empathize with your pain and I don’t dare leave a comment because I just want to scream FUCK…but I don’t want to offend you??
It’s not ok. I just want to turn back time to the post where you talk about your girls getting so big so fast and how you’re looking forward to their next birthday together. Not knowing. I want to go back to that post and just change it all. I want to make it go away. Sorry is not enough. And I’m so SO sorry.
Jess, I know you heart is hurting now and I can’t even imagine that kind of hurt you are feeling. Just know that you are a wonderful mother of 4 and Tuesday will always be there. I can’t help but think of her every time I hear the words to Josh Groben’s song “You Raise me up to stand on Mountains” Because of Tuesday we can all stand on mountains. She will be forever loved in our hearts and in yours.
Josh Groban » You Raise Me Up
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
We love you Jess and all of your family.
Aunt SuSU and Uncle Jim
you have such beautiful things to say and I am praying for you and your family. It is a wonderful thing to realize the blessing of what you have left in the wake of devastating loss.
My heart aches for you. The tears on my cheeks are for you. The hope in my heart is for your healing. This is part of it. Wonderful post.
Oh sweetie… you DO have 4 children. Tuesday is still with you every day. Still sending up prayers for you & your family… my thoughts are with you always! (((hugs)))
I am so deeply sorry that you are walking this gut wrenching journey of grief. My baby daughter died almost 19 years ago. I know I have healed as much as a mother can but I miss her every single day. Many times when my son and other two daughters are with me, it hits me so hard that my fourth child SHOULD be here with us too. I don’t think that ever changes.
It must be so tough for you all right now. I am still thinking of you all often. I’m so glad you got to go to the beach and to Disneyworld. I’m glad you laugh sometimes! I hope you can find joy often.
***Hugs***
you DO have 4 children, and you always will. I can’t imagine. She should be making pancakes. I’m angry for you. and i’m so so sorry.
WTF indeed Jess. I can not imagine the scene you describe. And I know it is a small consolation, but please know that we ALL love MORE because of Tuesday. And because of the grace and love you have shown us.
You know how sad and sorry I am. Please know how much love we all have for you and your family. Lean on us when you need to, party with us when you need to, cry with us when you need to and laugh too. Soon, we’ll change need to want.
Love you,
Laurie
Thank you. For showing me how to love my own children more today.
you're right. tuesday's life is teaching complete & perfect strangers to love & appreciate their children more. it's an incredible gift for such a tiny person to have given. i'm so grateful for it, yet i feel horrible for what her giving it means – that there's this tremedous hole in your family, a vacuum where a bright light shone.
i hope you'll keep posting your deepest feelings, if it helps. i know we all appreciate your outpouring & i hope we can lift you up in some way.
Can’t WAIT to meet Tuesday someday.
Still grieving with you…
kimberly
*HUGS*
What else can anyone say? You said it very well.
I am so very sorry. *HUG*
Prayers and hugs for all of you.
Sweet Tuesday…. touching so many hearts.
Tears,
Carol
South Carolina
You speak so clearly in the midst of such heartache. I am so so incredibly sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby girl!
Bless your heart! I cannot imagine… A beautiful post…
Jennifer
your grace through this time of crisis is inspirational. i have no doubt that your ability to share what you are thinking and feeling will help others.
your family continues to be in my prayers.
You are absolutely right. We do love them more because of Tuesday.
I love mine more because of Tuesday.
I hug them tighter because of Tuesday.
I want to do more and be better because of Tuesday…
…and because of her mother. You are such an inspiration.
xoxo
Shannon
You’re so right…and I know we all take those things for granted. I know you miss Tuesday so much.
It would break me if I lose my child.. and think about how strong you guys are.
My prayers are always with you, have been with you and will be with you and your family….
We all miss your beautiful daughter….
Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers so very much!
John 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
Prayer Bears
My email address
My heart aches for you. I wish she was there making pancakes, dancing in tutus, running in the snow and enjoying every ride Disney has to offer. There are no words to offer comfort other than even though she is in heaven with God, she’ll always be in your hearts.
Oh honey, so true and so hard. Love always
You are right – she SHOULD be making pancakes with her sister and daddy! All is so not fair. We continue to pray, pray, and pray for you all!! Love ya!!
I wish Tuesday was still with her mommy & daddy…
I wish Tuesday was still with her brothers….
I wish Tuesday was still with her other half/her twin sister…
I wish Tuesday never got cancer….
I wish Tuesday was still here…
I pray for Tuesday's family to feel peace…
I pray for Tuesday's family to feel all the love being sent to them….
I pray Tuesday's family remembers Tuesday before cancer made her sick…
I pray Tuesday's family remembers Tuesday when she was sick…
I pray Tuesday's family remembers…
I pray for Tuesday's family to smile….
I pray for Tuesday's family to laugh…
I pray for Tuesday's family!!!!
You will always have four kids, she is always with you and that will never change…..love and prayers
Tuesday is still one of your children. You may not see her but she is there. You will ALWAYS be a mom of 4.
I think of you and Tuesday evey single day. Many many prayers are being said for you and your family.
Love you sweetie!
I wish that I had some magical powers to bring sweet Tuesday back to you. This breaks my heart.
We love Tuesday.
We love your family.
We love you.
Know that.
Tuesday has made us all love our children more. . .My family has been blessed by a girl I never even knew. That is an amazing blessing. You are an amazing blessing and a mother of four forever!
you will always be a mother of four. we will never forget Tuesday.
I can’t imagine the pain of it all, raw everyday.
I think of Tuesday every day when I look at my boys faces.
I have been following your posts, quietly, since Tuesday died. I don’t remember who told me about your blog, or even why, but I can tell you that each and every post that you do gives me a profound feeling of being grateful for my two healthy children. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us and especially Tuesday’s story. It means more than you might realize!
Really BIG, virtual, bear hugs to you and your family. I am thinking of you!
Your pain is very real and so raw. I appreciate your honesty and candidness. I think of your family often.
i know we are strangers but i related so much to this my heart stopped, i swear. i didn’t lose a child, but i lost my only sister. in a few weeks it will be 3 years and i don’t feel like the pain gets easier or my mind gets any clearer. thank you for sharing your hurt, because even though you can’t tell, it helps. all my love.
I have twins. Reading your blog makes me cry. Every time. I can’t imagine either on of my boys growing up without the other. Just the thought terrifies me.
Thank you for teaching me to enjoy them. Through every day, through good and bad.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Jess, you have no idea how much I would love to hear stories about Tuesday making pancakes, and in the future, read an email about how she is driving you batty with her teenage ways. She should be. It breaks my heart that she is gone, and there is that hole in your heart. In all of your families hearts.
The fact is Jess, you will always have 4 children. The boys, and Piper are here on earth with you and Charley, and Tuesday a beautiful angel. Although there is distance between you, you will always be her mother, a mother of four.
You have such a beautiful soul Jess.
You leave us with beautiful words. You don’t know me but I read your words and want to reach out and hug you. You are living the biggest nightmare a mother can imagine and are handling it with such grace. I am not sure I could do the same…
Several years ago my husband and I bought a beautiful handpainted chair at a CCA auction we attended. We never knew a child with cancer but we were moved by the CCA and the work they do. We always have just called it our Cancer Chair, but I think I will rename it Tuesday’s chair, if you don’t mind. My prayes are with you and your family.
I always come back to these verses. It never ceases to amaze me that the Holy Ghost Himself prays for us! He’s praying for you! There’s no greater comfort than that!
Romans 8:26-27 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
Prayer Bears
My email address
You have every right to feel jipped, to feel mad, to feel picked on. I know you will work through about a million feelings every day and I know that you will always be a mother of 4. Thinking of you.
Jessica,
You are an amazing mommy to all 4 of your children. Spencer, Axel and Piper are loved by so many people because of Tuesday. Tuesday is loved by so many people because of you. And you are loved by so many people because of Tuesday.
I hope you know that I think about you often and say a prayer for you every day. Let it out whenever you need to.
Love,
Chrissie
You have an amazing way of writing, that lets people understand better what they really can’t, unless they have gone through it. All I have to say is that you and your beautiful family are in my little family’s heart and prayers and my mother heart is hurting for you and your family right now. Blessings, Tricia and family xoxoxo
Jessica, I have said this before and I will say it again. You need to write a book about this. It might help you but I know it would help others. Your words are so gracious and I know, can hear, that they all come from your heart.
I lost my 40 year old brother 4 years ago and I can finally think about him with a smile and only a few tears so I hope and pray for you to get to that place as soon as you are able.
Linda Zell
Your insight and honesty are so profound!
Your words resonate through me daily, and Tuesday continues to teach me about love and life!
Beautiful.
Because of you, your family, and your FOUR children, I love my family more. I thought I was full of love for them before I met you. I wish I did not find you in the way that I did, but I am so grateful for the difference you have made in my life and the life of my friends.
Continuing to pray and hold you all close in my heart.
Continuing to pray!
2 Timothy 1:8-10 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began, But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:
Prayer Bears
My email address
oh my. i read and re-read your post and it gets me every time. words can not convey how sad your loss is. im so glad that Tuesday was loved and cared for so much while she was on the earth and still loved here so much while she is heaven. what precious girls tuesday and piper are and what handsome sons you have. i dont know you in “real” life, but im sincerely praying for your whole family.
I find myself coming back to you to read your posts. To read your words, see Tuesday’s picture… I find that I need to connect with you in some way because your loss is so raw to me. I grieve for you and your family. I grieve for your sweet little girl who is gone too soon…
I’ve been up thinking about your family and Tuesday, and what it must be like to feel what you are feeling. My heart literally aches for you and I know that it doesn’t even come close to how you feel… It just isn’t fair… it isn’t fair… this isn’t how it should be.
You and your precious family are very loved…
That was sooooo beautiful!!!! I am sooo sorry for your loss.
Jessica Kate, these posts absolutely break my heart. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Tuesday IS there. Just as she is here. She is in your heart. Just as she is in my heart.
Within the past four weeks, we've raised almost $8K for cancer research. I'm currently raffling off a Melissa & Doug paint easel (contest ends Wednesday 3/11) and a KitchenAid mixer (contest ends 4/1). Both contests can be entered with a $5.00 (100% tax deductible) donation to cancer research.
My goal is to raise $50K this year. My goal is to see a cure found. My goal is that NO ONE should ever have to go through losing their baby to cancer.
God, my heart breaks.
great post! my heart breaks for you and your family. thank you for sharing your story…you are an inspiration to all who have loved and lost! my prayers are for you!
Thank you for sharing your words, your love of this beautiful little girl, and your spirit. Tuesday makes me love my children even more, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I’m so terribly sorry for the pain you are going through right now.
I stumbled upon your blog through a friend and have been reading for a few weeks. I want to offer my condolences to your family. I can’t ever imagine losing a child, let alone a child so young. You do have 4 children, you always will, it’s just that one is already in heaven, and she continues impact us all.
Thank you for these heartfelt words, i will hug each of my children a little harder, a little longer. You bought tears to my eyes.
Tuesdays’ life was cut far too short..but i am certain through you, her family, she had more love than many people could ever dream of.
Blessings to you all.x
I’m in my early 20s, no where near ready for kids. I do work with kids with disabilities though. I’m not sure how I found your site. But I found it and read the archives about a week before Tuesday died. Tuesday’s story changed me. I tell people, “I heard a wonderful name for a little girl. Tuesday”. Usually they say that it’s a silly name. I say it’s a name worth living up to. Tuesday’s child IS full of grace. If I end up naming a child Tuesday, she will always know where here name started out.
I can’t imagine what Piper is going through. So young to lose so much. She is going to be a tough cookie. Tuesday will be the wind at her back.
So, so sorry for your loss. You have beautiful children and now one of them is in heaven, but you will be reunited with her one day.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
such a sweet little face…..
I just love coming to your post to look at Tuesday…I mean I also like updates on you and the family, but man, Tuesday is just so cute. I love this picture of her making pancakes, smiling with that little bald head. She is beautiful, now and forever!
I have been silently following your blog about Tuesdays battle. I am so so sorry you and yours had to go through something like this. I am hoping I am a better mom because of Tuesday.
I have been reading your blog and sobbing. I am the mother of 3 year old twin girls and I cannot imagine your sorrow. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sorry that I found you too late to add my prayers in for Tuesday. Goodness knows I would have been on my knees for her. But now I know that she is OK. I will pray for her family. I will pray for your peace. Tuesday was obviously a very loved little girl. Bless you.
You are such an inspiration. Reading your blog has reminded me to cherish each and every day with my own children. Thank you for that. My prayers are with you and your family.
oh so sweet. So well written. (Sniffles) Prayers to you and your family.
That is so true.
Your words are beautiful.
i know for me, it’s true. i love my son beyond words, but i do love him more because of Tuesday.
what a gift, thank you for sharing your beautiful family.
I followed a button on another blog and came here yesterday. I backtracked a little bit to get Tuesday’s story, and I read this post over and over. I came back today to read it again. Even people who never lost a child will “get it” reading that post. I also love your “bereaved” comment on the side, that is so beautiful of you to let people know that you appreciate their support no matter how the words come out. I’ve seen others complain on their sites about what well meaning friends have said…you clearly understand that no pain was intended, people just don’t know what to say. How thoughtful of you to recognize that at this time.
Marie
Heart wrenching…
(((hugs)))…no words because I can’t imagine, and I won’t pretend to. (((hugs)))
I just came across your blog and tears are streeming down my face. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You & your family and your precious angel are in my prayers.
I’m one of your new readers. I love “loved you more because of Tuesday…” So special. I’ll be back to read…and get to know your story…more.
I started reading your blog a few months back when our friend Heather Perez told our twin club about Tuesday. Tuesday has become this little angel in our home… It has been amazing to us that that our three little girls have become so attached to her spirit. Does that sound weird? Of course they never met her, but she was in their evening prayers during her struggle and she she somehow just became a part of our lives. We sent handprints and last night at a mom’s function, Heather told me they were displayed at the memorial. Of course, I cried yet again….
We hesitated about telling our little ones about Tuesday’s passing, but after about a month we decided it was time and that at 4 and a half our twins were old enough to understand. With the advise of our preschool director and an another early Childhood guru in our lives, we took the plunge.I think if I had told them right when it occurred I would have been too emotional… Waiting was ideal and they really asked great questions. The one that made me lose it was when one of my 4 year olds asked “mommy, is okay to be sad and to feel like you wanna cry?” …….she took my breath away. My heart is with you sweet cyber friend….In regard to your last post about loving all the others so much more because of Tuesday…..My husband and I were reading your update last night and just embraced each other and the moment. Tuesday has helped all of us appreciate what we have just so much more. Hugs, The Reynolds Family
-we all love everyone more because of Tuesday.