Pablove Shutterbugs Love

I don’t really come here anymore.  It’s not that I don’t write.  I’m always writing in my head, but I just don’t feel like putting it down.  Or don’t remember how.  Or why.  It is still painful here.  More painful than you want to know about these three + years later.  I still get your comments and I still marvel at the fact the you still come here.  That you still reach out.  That Tuesday is still thought about and cared about.

I’m writing tonight because I want you to know about something that I hold dear.  People that I love that are doing everything they can to make life better for little people fighting cancer.  Little people like Tuesday and like their little person, Pablo.  This interview was aired last night on NBC Nightly News.  Please take a few mites to watch.  Catherine, Jeff and Jo Ann and everyone at Pablove, I admire you so.  Thank you.

NBC Nighty News Interview

Here are my thoughts on Shutterbugs.   I hope they move  you to support this cool and unique program.

http://pabloveshutterbugs.tumblr.com/post/22595580507/when-i-was-a-kid-my-brother-and-i-would-sit-at

Posted in Uncategorized | 71 Comments

Team Tuesday St Baldrick’s 2012

Goal:      $17, 500

Raised:  $26,663

To see the day’s events, go here.

Many thanks to the gracious and glorious Autumn Burke.  We love you so.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Team Tuesday, take 3

St. Baldrick’s.  Fado Irish Pub.  March 16th, 2012.  B there or B square.

Team Tuesday is back and hairier than ever!

Donate to Charley

Donate to Spencer

Thank you to the lovely and talented Jay Groce for the rad photo shoot.

To donate to Jay

Posted in Uncategorized | 44 Comments

Angels We Have Heard On High

Merry Christmas and thank you for still keeping us in your hearts and prayers.

love,

jessica

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 52 Comments

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

I sit at the table having lunch.  I’m looking at 5 little urns that line my fire place mantel.  They need to be dusted.

We gather around the table.  The kids have a friend for dinner.

Axel:  ”Can H hold Tuesday’s urn?”

Um, why not.  Kids love to hold things, right?

Me:  “Here you go.  Be careful.”

He holds it with this confused smile on his face.

I fake some sort of normal reaction and say nothing.

Kid:  “Thanks.”

Me:  ”You bet.”

I wipe my sweaty hand on my apron and reach for my wine.

No one mentions that the little jar he’s holding hold’s 1/5th, (minus the 1/2 that’s under a weeping cherry tree in North Carolina,) of their buddy’s sister’s remains.  I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.  Does he wonder why the hell he’s holding this jar?  If he knew would it freak him out.  Would he run screaming from the house?  Would he not want to stay the night if he knew she died here?  Could he ever begin to understand that it was a beautiful, sacred moment?  Not the scary thing it sounds like.

I dust those 5 little urns, because 5 urns made sense when we had 16 hours to plan for “arrangements.”  I’m sure we should have given it some forethought, but well, you know.

Now I’m thinking about painting a wall, because I’m always thinking about painting or re-painting some wall to make this space in which we live feel different.  Better?  Should I take the urns in to consideration?  They look nice there now. We can’t have the new wall clashing with the urns.  Will I always have these 5 little urns on my mantle?  Isn’t that where you’re supposed to keep your urn?  I read of a family who put their beloved’s ashes on top of the tv, but we’ve got a flat screen and that just seems f’d up anyway.  It makes so much more sense to have them on the mantle, where you see them in movies about people with dead people in their family.

If you don’t have a mantle, than you are forced to have the same conversation we had while living in the RV.  Where do you hang the stockings?  You wind up taping them to something that makes some sort of sense to you, and that must be the reason the urn winds up on the tv.

I think I imaged that the kids would move out someday and want to take their sister’s ashes in the little urn they picked out when they were 2.5 and 5 and 7, to what, college?  Their first apartment?

“Yeah, I picked up the couch on Craig’s list and it’s my parent’s old t.v. and that little, tiny urn on the milk crate next to my docking station, oh yeah, that’s my sister’s urn.  I painted the wall to match.”

Perfect.

So here I sit, at the table having lunch, looking at those little urns.  I guess instead I could be sitting here thinking about the faded, fake flowers that someone left at her grave that I need to go dust off.

*If you have a judgmental comment you’d like to leave, please feel free to stick it up your ass.

Posted in Uncategorized | 84 Comments