Go Blog Yourself

Fog

84 days on the road

6th floor, between the inter-coastal waterway and the Golf of Mexico.

days are mostly sunny

yet, there is a constant haze just above the surface

the fog rolls in daily

sometimes you look up and you can see it coming

this huge wall

other times, you turn your back for a minute and it seems to engulf you without your knowing

you can barely see the road ahead

it always seems to lift, but it never goes away completely

it is still beautiful

despite the fog

in the fog

more beautiful because of the fog

and, yet

days are mostly sunny

Back in the Saddle again

Ahhhh.  This is good.  Not that we don’t love Asheville (we do), and not that we over stayed our welcome, (we did) but this, right here, in this gigantic copilots seat, is where I want to be.  We are heading down a blue highway to Gainsville.  We are talking about Brittney, one of Tuesday’s very first and most beloved night nurses.  She is from here and would wear her Gators scrubs and talk in a sweet, soothing voice, and make our unbearable nights a bit bearable.  She came on her day off, to sit with us and cry with us, on the day that we learned Tuesday would go home to, Ultimately, go Home.  Even 1,800 miles from home, everything reminds me of Tuesday

We stayed too long in Asheville.  Not that we don’t love Asheville (we do), but because we had some break issues, that apparently, because of the GM bailout and the little guy and antifreeze in the break fluid and The South and a few other uncontrollable things, we added 2 extra weeks to our stay.  Although the stay was too long, it was also a good break.  The kids got a grandparent fix, from both sides, no less, and Charley and I got in a few dates with out them.  (the kids and the grandparents)  Piper had a week of leading around her now 2 year old cousin.  It pains us to see how desperate she is for that little girl play.

We also had a couple weeks in a row to check out a church that was mentioned to me in a comment on this blog.  If we lived there, we would go back again, and again and again, and probably wind up in some sort of sort of theater production and mission trip or the band, and all of it, because we really liked it there.  If you are in Asheville and you like to go to church in a psudo-famous night club, and you love Jesus, but are not so hip on religion or pomp and circumstance, this is the place for you.  I met a follower, of both Jesus and my blog, and I in no way am lumping those two together, in the bathroom while our respective daughters did their thing.

To hear a stranger speak Tuesday’s name and to witness the sadness in her eyes.  I wish it happened more.

C, C and C, Thank you for the heads up.  It was lovely meeting you and the Highland Community.)

but I digress….

Getting back in the RV was pretty seamless this time.  We’ve got our spots and know our routine.  Even the dog settled right in.  We are all happy to be heading south.  Not that we didn’t like the North (we did), but it’s been cold and we need warm.

Thanks Giving

This is not my writing, but my sentiments.

Lord God we render praise to you as our creator and sustainer, as the spring of life and source of healing.  We praise you with lips that sing, arms that embrace, and feet that dance.  Our praise of you is spoken before the nations and whispered in intimate love.  Our praise happens in rocking a baby, tending a patient, affirming a student, hearing a client, writing a letter, phoning a friend, reaching out, holding, listening, waiting, offering all you have given to us to one another.  We praise you, Lord God, when we remember from whence we have come and to whom we all soon will return.

We praise and give thanks.  Amen

Today, I give thanks for the God given grace, to be able to still have a thankful heart, despite it all.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Now go take a Xanax and try and enjoy your family.

New look and a look in.

Why, yes, I did move my blog and redesign it.  Thanks for noticing!
That must have been a lot of work, say you.  Oh, it was!  But that is where tech savvy husbands come in handy.  (thanks Charley!)  The real work was going through old photographs and old posts.  I’ve not re-read this journal, because even though it’s my journey, or perhaps because it’s my journey, it is too painful to read.  I look at picture perfect pictures from the past and want to crawl inside them.  I want to scoop Tuesday up and smell her soft skin.  To wash her once perfect, and then later, broken little body. I start to panic, just scanning the images of a lifetime ago.  I hold my breath as I search her eyes for some sort of clue.  A knowledge of what lies beneath the surface. Those photo albums tell the story best.  All was fine, and then it wasn’t.

Here are some photos taken since we left Oregon and headed east.  They tell their own story.

Astoria, OR

Seattle, WA

Spokane, WA



Montana, Battle of Little Big Horn National Cemetery


Devil’s Tower, Wyoming


Mount Rushmore

South Dakota



Chicago

Pennsylvania

New York








Washington D.C. We had a surprise visit from our next door neighbors.  It was great fun.  It made us all a bit home sick, too.

I know.  That should be Tuesday, right?        Friends are really important too.

Disjointed thoughts from a weary traveler

We arrived in the mountains of North Carolina on Sunday night, after an all day drive from Washington DC. We will stay put at Charley’s mom’s through November. We are approaching 7 weeks on the road and have literally been from sea to shining sea. I’ve not written, mostly because my battery is fried on my laptop but also, because it feels like work, and since most of this trip truly is work, I’m not interested in adding more.

It is good. It is hard. This good/hard has become a common theme for us.

We have been to and through, Rawlins, Wy, Boise, ID, Bend, OR, Portland, OR, Cape Lookout State Park, OR, Tilamook, OR, Astoria, OR, Seattle, WA, Spokane, WA, Coeur d’Alene, ID, Missoula, MT, Billings, MT, Sturgis, SD, Wall, SD, Sioux Falls, SD (Yes, South Dakota is LONGGGGG) St. Paul, MN, Wisconsin Dells, WI, Milwaukee, WI, Fox Lake, IL, Glen Ellyn, IL, Chicago, IL, Howe, IN, Mercer, IN, Landingville, PA, Maplewood, NJ, NYC, DC, Ashville, NC. Phew.

We have battled freezing pipes, we have been totally freaked out, we have gotten stuck, we have had “issues” with our dog, we have flipped out on our kids, we have had “the” flu, we have had major repair work done.

We have seen awe inspiring views, we have seen National treasures, we have been proud of our kids, our selves and our country. We have eaten the world’s biggest cinnamon roll, we have unplugged from tv and turned up the music, we have laughed a lot. We have cried a lot. We are the essence of spontaneity. Good and bad.

We have seen friends that we adore and miss and talk about visiting, but never do. We have sat with them and cried with them over Tuesday’s fate. We have watched our combined children play and become fast friends. We all notice the obvious void. Some mention it. Some don’t. But, we all feel it.

Our boys are so great at including Piper in their play. They are so protective. But, there is a painful, underlying competition for her affection. Spencer feels this the strongest because “Tuesday was his and Piper is Axel’s”. It’s kind of true and it crushes me. I’m pissed that after all the suffering we had to witness with Tuesday, here we are, still watching our children suffer.

“Is this our home?”

“Do we have a home?”

“Is Otto dead?” (after a 4 day stay at the dog kennel)

“Maybe we can have another baby and name her Tuesday.”

“Do we still get to have Christmas?”

Their poor, sweet minds. How are they supposed to get any of this when I can’t even wrap my mind around it. I still don’t know if this is the right thing to be be doing. There has been a lot of yelling. But, there was a lot of yelling at home too. It mostly feels right, but sometimes it feels wrong. Mostly when It’s raining and I’m about to get my period. But it always feels bad when it’s raining or I’m about to get my period. It’s not the RV’s fault.

Despite all that, the kids are really in a groove with one another right now. It’s awesome to watch their imaginations in full bloom. They have built a fort in every state, both in the RV and out. They are growing before our eyes. (Something that we missed all together last year) We are growing. There are bound to be some pains. Charley and I are not in our groove. This makes me sad. We will figure it out. We always do.

Our last stretch, through Roanoke, VA, has set me in a bad place. The last time I drove those roads, I was on a trip by myself with two, fat, healthy baby girls. Life was good.

It’s still good, right?

Despite it all, life is still good.

www.thewhitts.com

p.s. While we have been gone, children are continuing to battle, relapse, and die. What are YOU going to do about it?

www.whatchagonnado.org