We arrived in the mountains of North Carolina on Sunday night, after an all day drive from Washington DC. We will stay put at Charley’s mom’s through November. We are approaching 7 weeks on the road and have literally been from sea to shining sea. I’ve not written, mostly because my battery is fried on my laptop but also, because it feels like work, and since most of this trip truly is work, I’m not interested in adding more.
It is good. It is hard. This good/hard has become a common theme for us.
We have been to and through, Rawlins, Wy, Boise, ID, Bend, OR, Portland, OR, Cape Lookout State Park, OR, Tilamook, OR, Astoria, OR, Seattle, WA, Spokane, WA, Coeur d’Alene, ID, Missoula, MT, Billings, MT, Sturgis, SD, Wall, SD, Sioux Falls, SD (Yes, South Dakota is LONGGGGG) St. Paul, MN, Wisconsin Dells, WI, Milwaukee, WI, Fox Lake, IL, Glen Ellyn, IL, Chicago, IL, Howe, IN, Mercer, IN, Landingville, PA, Maplewood, NJ, NYC, DC, Ashville, NC. Phew.
We have battled freezing pipes, we have been totally freaked out, we have gotten stuck, we have had “issues” with our dog, we have flipped out on our kids, we have had “the” flu, we have had major repair work done.
We have seen awe inspiring views, we have seen National treasures, we have been proud of our kids, our selves and our country. We have eaten the world’s biggest cinnamon roll, we have unplugged from tv and turned up the music, we have laughed a lot. We have cried a lot. We are the essence of spontaneity. Good and bad.
We have seen friends that we adore and miss and talk about visiting, but never do. We have sat with them and cried with them over Tuesday’s fate. We have watched our combined children play and become fast friends. We all notice the obvious void. Some mention it. Some don’t. But, we all feel it.
Our boys are so great at including Piper in their play. They are so protective. But, there is a painful, underlying competition for her affection. Spencer feels this the strongest because “Tuesday was his and Piper is Axel’s”. It’s kind of true and it crushes me. I’m pissed that after all the suffering we had to witness with Tuesday, here we are, still watching our children suffer.
“Is this our home?”
“Do we have a home?”
“Is Otto dead?” (after a 4 day stay at the dog kennel)
“Maybe we can have another baby and name her Tuesday.”
“Do we still get to have Christmas?”
Their poor, sweet minds. How are they supposed to get any of this when I can’t even wrap my mind around it. I still don’t know if this is the right thing to be be doing. There has been a lot of yelling. But, there was a lot of yelling at home too. It mostly feels right, but sometimes it feels wrong. Mostly when It’s raining and I’m about to get my period. But it always feels bad when it’s raining or I’m about to get my period. It’s not the RV’s fault.
Despite all that, the kids are really in a groove with one another right now. It’s awesome to watch their imaginations in full bloom. They have built a fort in every state, both in the RV and out. They are growing before our eyes. (Something that we missed all together last year) We are growing. There are bound to be some pains. Charley and I are not in our groove. This makes me sad. We will figure it out. We always do.
Our last stretch, through Roanoke, VA, has set me in a bad place. The last time I drove those roads, I was on a trip by myself with two, fat, healthy baby girls. Life was good.
It’s still good, right?
Despite it all, life is still good.
p.s. While we have been gone, children are continuing to battle, relapse, and die. What are YOU going to do about it?
Glad to hear more good than bad. Praying it's all healing either way.
I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do, but I'm proud of what you're doing.
Stay focused and know you are supported from sea to shining sea…..me, from Kansas…..and many, many more from all corners of this great earth.
Oh Jess… I remember that trip and wondered if it would cross your mind ðŸ™
Of course we all feel the void. Tuesday was a HUGE soul and it's hard not to notice the gap… I hate it.
I'm so glad you are in NC and with family. It will be so good for your souls and so good for you to get a chance to just…be…for a while.
LOVE you and miss you!
ps a friend of mine put "Whatcha gonna do" on his facebook and people were writing all sorts of silly comments and I decided to leave your link. It created a whole different type of chatter….it opens eyes like nothing I have ever seen. It's stunning and that's a good thing. You are doing an awesome thing. (((HUGS)))
My thoughts are with you always, near and far, night and day! xoxo
You are all doing a beautiful job.Everyone of you.You are moving and talking and yelling and laughing and smiling and crying … you are feeling… feeling it all.That IS a good thing.The pictures are amazing.Both sites.
*Funny thing .. since Zoey has been off treatment,my posts have been filled with relapse and loss … I was just today accused of being bitter and angry and ready to fight the world … you bet your ass I am.As long as we continue to watch our children suffer and as long as I continue to see parents say goodbye to their children far too prematurely ,I will proudly remain bitter,angry and ready to fight the world …I'll fight with faith and hope but I will fight.
Prayers Jess for the rest of your journey.
Thank you !!!
I/we needed that.
Such an amazing adventure!
Hope this beautiful Gospel passage gives you comfort! Praying!
Titus 3:4-6 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; 7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
Prayer Bears
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Hi Jess, I think it is great that all of you have arrived at NC. Sit back and enjoy and get some rest. I know there will be a crowd there soon so enjoy it while you can. I hope this trip will be healing for you as your writing on your blog has been healing for all of us. I miss Tuesday everyday and think of her always. That's just the way life will be now but the kids are growing and are happy and have two wonderful parents to lead them. You're doing great in good and bad times. We are here to support you and love all of you. Hope to see you soon either here or in Denver. We love you.
Aunt SUSU and Uncle Jim
Still think of you guys often and praying for ya! Virtual hugs to you.
You are truly amazing! Thanks so much for being so open and honest. For sharing your family with us. I will say you did have two fat, healthy BEAUTIFUL little girls on that trip, but life IS still good! Different, but good! Miss you!
I have had several questions about Whatchagonna do…I will send them your way, if that is OK>
I admire both of you so much for what you are doing and who you are. If I can be half the parent/person you are, I will be doing okay. Hope you are not getting hit too hard with the Nor'easter/Ida remnants. Take care and know that we love you in Virginia Beach!! Our pastor's wife did the msg last Sunday and the crux of it was that instead of saying "Lord, look how big my storm is", say "Storm, look how big my Lord is". . .powerful words. peace be with you and yours, cindy lou, and maddie, too!!
Welcome to our funky little city. It's a fun, artsy place and the rain is about to stop, finally. I've been praying for you while you're on this trip.
If you want to go to church on Sunday try the one that meets downtown Asheville in the Orange Peel. Yes, it's a large nightclub/concert venue during the week but a very sweet, loud, earthy, urban church on Sunday morning. There is a lot of kindness there. God truly is faithful.
what a trip!
your family continues to inspire me….i think of childhood cancer everyday and i always see tuesday's beautiful face…and it motivates me to do what i can to help….
enjoy your time with family….you all deserve it…
peace…
It is sooo hard. And eventually you will find your groove again. I am so looking forward to you coming out here so we can laugh and cry together. Tuesday is always in my heart. Love you!
Sending hugs from Illinois. We've never met, and yet my heart breaks for you every single day.
hugs!
pretty cohesive thoughts for a woman who has been on the road for an extended period of time.
i always loved when tim and i traveled for weeks on end, but remember the bone weary feeling that settled in when I realized there was no home in which to settle. i cannot imagine how it would combine with having children and carrying grief.
you are spectacular and real and loved. settle in with a cup of tea and your knitting and know we are sending our love and healing energy and prayers your way.
kiss kiss hug hug. a
Jess,
You are beyond strong to be out there. Making a differece. Pulling your family back together bit by tiny bit. I am posting the Whattcha Gonna Do link daily on my Facebook Fan page. Need to put it up again on my regular Facebook page. Hugs to you, to your family, and lots of prayers being said.
Brandi
Jess-Have been reading your blog for awhile but never commented. Heard this song and it reminded me of you and your families journey.
Sorry-heres the link to the song–http://scarletriver26.blogspot.com/
Whenever I check in on your blog to see how your family is doing, I always can't help but feel a bit a stalker. Tuesday and your family have a special place in my heart, for no one reason that I can explain. So sadly I know of others who are dealing with some unfairly hard things, but it is your little girl that hits me the hardest.
Thank you for your honest writings about hubby and kids. I love that you are on this trip. I know the feeling of when just needing to go and let life go on makes more sense than staying put.
I check every day to see how your family is doing and yet never thought about it being work for you. But now I see, I apologize for my selfishness.
Your story reminds me to be thankful for healthy children, for love, for life, for it all. Thankful even when I feel like the world is crashing down, my crash will never be as hard as you and your families.
Funny about Piper in the I heart NY shirt…I have a Rylee, just a little older than your girls…with the exact same shirt and same stretch. Not important probably, but noticeable. We are all moving about in a world so large, yet we can find similarities when we look hard enough.
Thank you for your work…I do know that thru your story and others that I now know personally, that I am trying harder everyday to see the good, show compassion and do everything I can to make life a little easier for others in much worse situatons than me and my family.
with love…
Maybe, I have missed something, we have been battling the flu, crisis of family ( of course, nothing like you have been through)…
So, you can slap me……if you choose… 🙂
But do I need to read backwards to see WHY you are PUTTING YOURSELVES through this?
You are human, you are a human family…You DO not need to prove anything to anyone…Let yourselves go through what you need to….then, slowly, with thoughfulness and wisdom….let us in…..We have NO priveldge to your life….none….we are here because of different circumstances…..and different needs….
But please, take care of you first….We all can wait.
So good to "hear" from you, although that makes me feel weird even typing as I don't really know you. I've follwed your blog for a bit and think of you all on your life's travels. Thank you for updating us. I hope the rest of your "trip" goes well.
It's a big, big world —
All the "issues" and yelling and stuff are what makes life real. I think it's awesome that you're all spending real time together dealing with all the little stuff that can go wrong….. Because God knows that you've dealt with the biggest stuff… xxx ooo
Continuing to pray in Seattle!
Jeremiah 17:7-8 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
Prayer Bears
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I can't believe how far you've traveled in such a short amount of time. Glad you get to stay put and kick up your heels, perhaps, for a while. I love North Carolina. Beautiful scenery and climate. Take care. I love reading your updates – so honest and real. I yelled at my kids this morning and I have no good reason at all. Maybe potty training Martin all week and having various kids sick at different times? I still love them just as you love yours. I do wish yelling didn't have to be a part of the loving, though. I try hard every day to have the patience I need as I'm sure you do. Thanks so much for sharing. Take care.
So glad you are getting a little break from traveling. As much fun as it is, you're right, its hard work too! Not to mention all the hard work you're doing to get through the emotional side of this as well. I truly admire what you guys are doing. Can't wait to see you (hopefully!) when you get to southern California 🙂
xoxo
Shannon
This passage is going to be in Ed's sermon on Sunday. Wanted to share it with you. Praying so very hard at this end!
Philippians 4:19-20: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”
Prayer Bears
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Loved shooting the shit with you. Love the RV stickers. I remember Roanoke like it was yesterday….was it Tuesday or Piper that wouldn't go to sleep and was drinking wine with us in the hotel room??? xoxo
I have been following you guys for a while…Can't explain how your Sweet Tuesday has impacted me. (Enjoy NC- you guys are about an hour away from where I live.) Still praying…
Know that I'm here praying!
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Prayer Bears
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Our friends lost their 9 year old son in a tragic accident; my 7 year old wanted to name our baby after him. I guess this is a common thing for kids. I'm feeling at a loss to how to help him grieve his friend. I don't know how you do it, help your children through their grief when you are grieving too. You know, when I think of you it's with a big S on your chest. Superwoman!
Hang in there. I hope this trip helps you guys get back into the groove.
Praying!
II Corinthians 1:3-4: Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Prayer Bears
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Always here praying!
Psalm 50:15: And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
Prayer Bears
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I’ve been following your blog for quite some time but never commented. Now, I see you’ve been to Asheville and have some family here as well? That is where I live. Do you come here often, did you have a good time? What family lives here? So interesting to read that after following your blog for a while now. Your family has always been and will always be in my prayers 🙂
Blessings,
Amy