weep |w?p|verb ( past and past part. wept |wept|) [ intrans. ]1 shed tears : a grieving mother wept over the body of her daughter | [ trans. ] he wept bitter tears at her cruelty.• utter or express with tears : [with direct speech ] “No!” she wept.• [ trans. ] archaic mourn for; shed tears over : a young widow weeping her lost lord.2 exude liquid : she rubbed one of the sores, making it weep.
Yesterday, I dug a hole, just big enough, to hold the ashes of my child. Yesterday, Charley and I knelt together and placed a part of Tuesday in the ground, at the roots of a weeping cherry tree. We are in the mountains of North Carolina, at the home of my mother in law, where someday, she too will go in to this ground. Perhaps, someday, I will join them.Margaret, and her lovely friends and neighbors, the kind of neighbors that show up and plant trees when your grand daughter dies, came later in the day to dedicate this tree, to read, to sing and to feed us. It was hard, but it was good.There has been much weeping on this trip. I mistakingly thought that getting away for a while, would some how, be getting away, but here it is, as fresh and real as always. Maybe more so, because there are memories in this place that I have not yet faced. Pictures I have not seen in while. Tuesday’s NUK, under the crib where she once slept. You will now find that NUK in Piper’s mouth. She has not used one since she was six months old. She is fully missing her sister and is clearly sad.
“I wish Tuesday was here to play with Piper.”“I want to tell you a secret. My sister Tuesday died.”“Why is Tuesday in Heaven?”“Why did she have cancer?”“Why?”“Why?’“Why?”
The same thoughts that we all have, except that she is two, so she’s not afraid to ask why.I don’t have the answers, so I’ll leave you with the song that was sung for us.
Hymn of PromiseAn Old Methodist Hymn
In the bulb there is a flower,In the seed, an apple tree.In cocoons, a hidden promise:Butterflies will soon be free!In the cold and snow of winter,There’s a spring that waits to be.Unrevealed until it’s season,Something God alone can see.
There’s a song in every silence,Seeking word and melody,There’s a dawn in every darkness,Bringing hope to you and me.From the past will come the future;What it holds a mystery, Unrevealed until it’s season,something God alone can see.
In our end is our beginning, In our time, infinity,In our doubt there is believing;In our life, eternity,In our death, a resurrection;At the last a victory,Unrevealed until its season,Something God alone can see.
weeping
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I am sorry Jess. I am sorry Charley. I am sorry Piper. And I am sorry Spence & Axel.
It is not fair!! It is not right. I am sorry friends like you…good people, real people, normal people "just like all of us"…YOU… have to go through the worst imaginable thing ever.
I am sorry that Tuesday is no here. Thank GOD for the other beautiful children you made. You have them to hug & make you laugh daily!! I know it doesn't change what happened or make it easier and I will always pray for ALL of you, so that you may find peace.
Yes, praying for Peace.
Love your friend, MP xoxo
I am sorry Jess. I am sorry Charley. I am sorry Piper. And I am sorry Spence & Axel.
It is not fair!! It is not right. I am sorry friends like you…good people, real people, normal people "just like all of us"…YOU… have to go through the worst imaginable thing ever.
I am sorry that Tuesday is no longer here. Thank GOD for the other beautiful children you made. You have them to hug & make you laugh daily!! I know it doesn't change what happened or make it easier and I will always pray for ALL of you, so that you may find peace.
Yes, praying for Peace.
Love your friend, MP xoxo
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I had not checked in quite a while bc of my dd medical issues and tonight found a post on my blog and wanted to check on Tuesday, only to find the sad news. My heart aches for you and your family, I pray that thru this journey somehow you find peace, and are able to make sense of it all. I know it won't be easy, it might take some time. Know that Tuesday touched many ppl and her life and death didn't go un-noticed, may you be blessed with many memories in years to come,make new memories for her siblings to share when they finally reunite, and know that Tuesday will never be too far from them. Hugs to you all..and crying with you
I am so sorry. I am weeping as I read this.
I am praying for you and your family. I pray that the pain will someday ease but the love stays in your heart. I feel blessed because of Tuesday…I have never met any of you but she has made a difference in my life just from reading your words. God bless and I pray for peace in your life.
Tuesday touched my life like no one has and I didn´t even met her. I continue to pray for your family everyday, for peace, for the pain to go away… There really are no words, but be sure I´m praying for your beautiful family, that´s all I can really do!
Prayers everyday from Mexico!
Love your friend, Fer
There are no words. Only tears. And, prayers – I'm promise.
Every single day I ask myself why too. This is something I can not understand… I have attached myself to you and your story, as you probably have noticed… it is because I have a twin… and to think that your sweet little Piper is without hers is something that is hard for me to understand, literally understand… I ache for you every single day Jessica. The absence of Tuesday is not felt in your home, it is all over… I literally feel her absense all the way over here in California… I wish I could say something to make you feel some relief, I wish there is something I can do for you, for your family, i wish she was here with you physically… i wish there was no cancer….
i never know what to say when i read your posts. i never know what to say because i really just want to make it all better. but i can't. i wish i could, but i can't. so instead, just know that i am here reading what you write, listening intently, and always eager to hear what you have to say. know that you and your family are never far from my mind and that i wish i could take your pain away.
Oh Jess! I too am weeping now.
I had a feeling it would be hard there , but I didn't think it would be like you are describing.
I am sorry. (I hate having to be sorry. UGH)
Miss Piper just kills me. I iwsh there was some way to get her to understand, but how the hell can you, when we don't understand????
I miss you. i love you. I think of you daily and pray for you daily.
You are in my heart and Tuesday has my heart.
LOVE LOVE LOVE you!
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 121:5-8 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
Prayer Bears
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Much love and prayers. Praying for peace and a new contentment to somehow find a way to soothe your soul. Yes, asking for what seems impossible but believing still. Love and miss you sweetie!
Love and hugs and tears and blessings to you all. I wish I had some healing words for you right now, or some answers, but that song you posted says it all. God sees the big picture and He holds the reasons why.
Love that hymn. We sang it not too long ago (hubby is a UM pastor). I am one of those folks who has never met your family but who has been forever affected by your story and profoundly moved by the loss of your sweet daughter. You all are in my prayers.
I'm so so sorry.
Do you know the song amazed?
You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord I'm amazed by you
How wide
How far
How deep
How great
Is your love for me
Lord I'm amazed by you
I pray today that you will hear the Lord sing over you, as promised in Zephania 3:17, "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Blessings,
Carolynn
I am so sorry that you and Charley and your family has to deal with this. Sorry isn't even strong enough. It just shouldn't be. I would love to come and pay my respects to Ms. Tuesday someday and tell her that she has touched so many lives. Peace be with you all. That is one of my all time favorite hymns and so appropriate. Please call me or let me know if you need anything!! peace, cindy lou and madison shea xoxoxoxo
Beautiful hymn.
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
There are no words…
I AM SO SORRY.
Prayers for all of your hearts, prayers to beautiful Tuesday.
Remarkable and deeply poignant hymn and remembrance!
You all are greatly missed.
I weep with you.
My heart goes out to you. I wish there was something that could be said to make Piper feel better. It's really hard to help your kids understand something you can't fully understand yourself. I'm sorry that you keep finding "firsts" when you aren't expecting it. I imagine the pain that sneaks up on you in the worst. Hugs to your family.
Oh honey, I'm weeping right along with you. All I can say is I'm sorry and that I love you all. Tuesday will be loved and missed always. Give Piper an extra hug from me today.
Have Jenn give you an extra hug from me tomorrow.
Thinking of you every day.
oh, piper, my heart weeps for you. and for you, jess. and for each one of you that has to weep for the loss of tuesday.
i am so sorry she has to ask the questions but it is good that she feels safe to ask them, that you have given her a safe space to place these questions in and not have to keep them down. she asks what we ask and there are no answers. i can only offer my love…love to your little girls and love to help support you through this weeping time.
Love that hymn…
Continuing to pray for your family.
My heart is with you and your family. Tuesday is in God's arms nice and safe.
<3 you are constantly in my thoughts, in my prayers along with your family. I was fortunate enough to win the music box that was given away not too long ago.. In it I keep a few of my daughter's belongings, she loves to open and close it, look at the photo of Tuesday on front.. I can't tell you how much she/you/your family has effected mine, but it's a lot. & I know this is the same with many..many people. I pray that peace comes a little easier for you. hugs from Michigan..
Thinking of you and praying for you, all of you. Sweet little Piper, I have no words…
Our hearts are with you.
Nicole G
Ugh…no words….cyper hugs {{{hugs}}} So very sorry that you are going through all this.
I will forever grieve with you all. I run out of words, and I know that there are no words that will cut away the pain you all must feel. So all I can do, is forever be wih you all in spirit, grieving for beautiful, wonderful, strong Tuesday. Love you all!
Sweet Piper, sweet family, sweet Tuesday. Praying for you, weeping for you, hopeful for you!
My heart aches for you, Piper and your family. I cant express enough how sincerely sorry I am for what you have to continously go through with Tuesday no longer hear. I think of you more than often. AS well as share Tuesdays story. Thinking/praying for you as I always do and wishing with all that I am that you and no other family had to go through the loss of your precious child. God bless you.
Love, Sarah
You are a brave soul and have amazing perspective on the world and your family. Wishing for you that every day is a little bit easier.
i can't imagine your pain….all i can say is that i'm sorry tuesday died…i'm sorry for you, your husband, and your children….i think of her often….i hope you're able to find some peace in your heart……someday…soon..
~colleen
it may never make sense and your heart might never clear up till your last day. but you have been her mom and will always be until the day when you join her.
That hymn has always been one of my favorites, Jess. So appropriate that you placed a part of Tuesday beneath a cherry tree. A peaceful cherry tree in the North Carolina mountains. She's happy there.
As are so many who have already commented, I'm weeping along with you right now. I check your blog each and every day for new updates and on those days when you are able to update, I read and let myself be immersed in the emotions that are still very raw. I think of the Whitts every day. I'm glad you've been able to take the trip you're currently on. It's so important for your family. I love you guys and I continue to pray for healing and peace.
Love,
Kristy Grigsby
I am weeping also, for your pain and for the pain of every parent who puts their childs ashes into the ground.
Something is not right about that ever happening.
I pray that tomorrow the sun shines as bright as Tuesday's smile. hugs to all of you. Tanya
Jess,
I am so sorry that you of all people have to face this. Why? is a question I ask God often when I think of you and your family. I will always pray for your family. I hope that in this time with your in-laws that you find a little more peace, a few more signs from Tutu, and always know that there are so many of us sending hugs to you and your family.
Brandi B.
My heart and soul are weeping for you. Thank God for the kindness of friends and even strangers even when you truly wish that you didn't need that kind of kindness.
I'm an "old Methodist" and I've sung that song a million times….but now?
It's Tuesday's hymm.
I am so sorry.
I am an anonymous reader who has never commented. I don't know how I found your blog but I read it often. I pray for your family every day. I am so very very sorry for your loss of your beautiful Tuesday. Please hang in there, I am routing for you to make it. I know you will.
Your friend in Indiana
Know that I'm always here praying!
Psalms 32:6-7 For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come nigh unto him. Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.
Prayer Bears
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so heartbroken for a family I only know by reading a amazing blog. Check up every day….can't imagaine your pain,never want too. I have lost love,but never a child.SO sad for sweet Piper,who should be playin with her sister,not missing her.Cannot imagine life without my sisters.Praying for you all.May you feel God's arms holding you tight and may you always feel Piper near….God bles you and your precious family!
Words can't tell you how sorry I am. I want so badly to say something do something to bring some comfort. Just know I pray for you all every day. I really mean that.
At Tuesday's service I brought a box of hearts. I tried to collect as many as I could in just a few days. I have not mentioned it before but I gave it to a friend of yours. For some reason recently I started to wonder if you ever got it. Like maybe it was left behind in all the commotion.
I hope you did get the Hearts For Tuesday. I pray that somehow someway the words on those hearts show you how much your Tuesday touched hearts all over the world.
The song you posted was amazing.
Gosh – I just want to hug little Piper…all of you.
Tamara
What a beautiful hymn! And a great way to explain it. I am so sorry that it is for Tuesaday.
I am sooooo sorry! hugs!
I've said it before, but I wanted to thank you again for sharing your story and your feelings with us here. I'm so glad you have this outlet for your thoughts and that you continue to reach out and let us be here for you, to cry with you, and to try the best we can to help lift you up.
Sounds like that cherry tree is a beautiful resting place. And what a beautiful hymn, too. Thanks again so much for sharing.
xoxo
Shannon
Still praying for ya!!! The song sure gives a bit of light in the darkness. It causes us to exercise faith for the unseen that yet will come and the scripture says we must live by faith in Christ and in his resurrection. Oh, thank you Jesus that you rose form the dead and are now at the right hand of the Father, it gives you and I hope that we will see Tuesday and Joel again one day!!
Cindy
I am another reader weeping with an unbelievably large lump in my throat right now. There are no words other than I am so sorry and praying for you.
May the peace of the Lord which surpasses all understanding comfort little Piper as she tries to understand and fill Charley's and your hearts as you walk this path.
Weeping and praying for you in WA.
Amy
I'm so sorry that you lost your beautiful daughter. You've touched my life and I wish I had the words to comfort you. Know that people you don't even know care about you and pray that you can find peace.
I am amazed, like the night Tuesday died, at the peace in your words, your incredible ability to let her go to the place we all were before we were born…and yet so grounded in the pain you must feel as I look across my table at Tuesdays friend, who is so alive. I miss you all!
I have done alot of weeping for Tuesday myself. I am not sure what it is about the past month but it feels more real now than ever. I can't imagine the "real" you all must feel. My heart absolutely aches for all of you and you are always in my prayers. So very much love.
Know that your family is always in my thoughts and prayers!
Psalms 9:9-10 The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.
Prayer Bears
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Hi friend – I'm thinking of you and shedding tears for you, your family and ours. It sucks and I don't know what to say, except I have a big bottle of tequila (& vodka & whiskey) for the day you come to visit. Love you – your pal lisa.
Another from afar, touched by your grief, and your unwavering willingness to face it, to articulate it, to avoid the pretty words and platitudes, to weep – and then to share that with so many. Amazing that here, everyone knows that despite their sorrow, there are no words.
Sweet, sweet family – we are weeping right along with you in spirit! Jess – I know that it must be so difficult to continue to share these intimate moments and thoughts – you are so brave and I admire you for that! It gives us a chance to see what exactly it is you need prayers for and helps us understand somewhat (we never can completely) the hurt that you have everyday. And you can rest assured – we are praying, praying for you, Charley, Spencer, Axel and Piper as you continue to find your footing along this most difficult path! I am so sorry and wish a thousand times over that I could do something to take away the pain. Know that we love you all and we won't stop sending hugs and prayers your way – even all the way in NC!
Janice Rolfs
ðŸ™
Ann
I am incredibly sorry your family is in so much pain. Incredibly sorry that Piper is so lost and confused. I pray that God's comfort will surround you and lift you up.
oh jess. tears, tears, tears. again, i thank you for your beautiful words & for sharing yourself so freely with us.
i cannot even imagine what it must be to put your baby's ashes in the ground. words cannot express how sorry i am. it's so wrong.
maybe one day in heaven we can share some iced tea & i can give you a hug & tell you thanks for sharing your heart.
& thanks for the hymn. beautiful. i'm going to share it w/ a friend who needs it.
just thinking about you and tuesday tonight… as I always do… i miss her for you… her absence is felt everywhere…
Know that the Lord is always with you, wrapping His loving arms around you and holding on tight! Praying!
Psalms 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
Prayer Bears
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Oh Jess! There are no words. I weep with you! We think of Tuesday often. Pray daily. I wish there was a way to make little Piper understand, but as already mentioned, How? When we don't understand.
Sorry this trip has been so hard for you. (((HUGS))) to you!
I am just getting back from a trip myself and saw your new post. Your title is appropriate. I have wept reading it and have shed many tears for your family. As Samantha stated, I am attached to your family, story, Tuesday. Not sure if its because I have twins with birthdays only a year apart so every season allows me to see how big Tuesday would have been at that age. Not sure, maybe it's hopefully that I am human and cancer and children don't mix in my book. Please know I wish and pray daily for healing and mercy.
A weeping cherry tree…how appropriate. Jessica Kate, I hate that you are going through this journey, however you are doing it so lovingly. Tuesday will be alive forever in your heart and so many others. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful family, extended family and true friends that are surrounding you. HUGS.
Jessica Kate… I check your blog often and pray for you and your family every day. This is one fight that I never thought I would be in, the fight for my child's life, a fight that you know all too well. I know we have never met, we only know each other through our blogs but please, know that I think of your family often, and whenever we are at Sloan and I look up into the clouds from the day hospital and think of Tuesday and give Mikey an extra squeeze… Hugs and prayers going out to you, Jessica…
Here praying as always!
Psalms 18:28-30 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
Prayer Bears
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how sweet. how heart wrenching. how frustrating that we have to keep keeping on when we are so broken, tired, and sad. how great to read comments from strangers that feel for you and pray for you with such fervor…just praying for all of you too,
Continuing to pray!
Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Prayer Bears
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I am so deeply sorry for your pain. I know what it feels like to ache for your child. It seems it will hurt like this forever. Thankfully, the pain lessens but the hole in your heart will be there forever. Know that others are praying for your family.
I am praying for you and your family. I think of Tuesday often and of Piper – her pillow is done and my girls keep asking who it is for. I just reply for someone we don't know who is special and needs our love. Someone mommy relates with having lost a sister. That is what you have along with so many others – our love, our prayers, our tears and our wishes. I just wish I could do more for you. My heart aches.
Stopping by to let you know I'm here praying.
Psalms 57:1-2 Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.
Prayer Bears
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This is a beautiful entry.
You are missed.
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 59:16-17 But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.
Prayer Bears
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The pain of loosing a sibling is unfair to say the least! At age 37, 4 years after the death of my sister (my only sibling) I find myself asking the very same questions you find Piper asking….WHY?
Dear Jess, how sorry I am for your weeping but how much I understand it. I so wish I had known you were in the nc mountains, I live in nc & just spent 2 weeks vacationing in the mountains, we live only an hour down the mountain. I would love to have had the opportunity to meet you, give you a hug and tell you how much tuesday's life touches my life. I pray that simply being here and completing yet another part of tuesday's journey will in some way help heal another small fraction of your heart. my thoughts continue to be with you and your family. travel safely.
Praying right now!
Psalms 62:5-8 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Prayer Bears
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We miss you.
Stopping by to let you know I'm praying!
Psalms 91:3-6 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
Prayer Bears
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I was on another blog and found a link to someone else's blog and then a link on hers to yours. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is a pain so deep and so raw and no parent should ever have to walk this road, but yet so many of us do.
I will never say I know how you feel, because each of us are different, and our stories are not the same, but I also buried my child, and so my heart goes out to you and your family. We are unwilling members in this awful club. And I am so so sorry for that.
I don't know if you've heard of The Compassionate Friends. It's for parents who have lost children at any age from any cause. I participated in a candlelighting ceremony in December to remember my son. You can go to their site and search if there's a group near you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I just read through your blog further. You're in Colorado? I live in Golden.
Hi I stop by your blog quite often, You have really touched me! I read your blog and can feel your pain so much! I lost a precious baby boy at a month old in 2004 to SIDS! My baby would of been in two weeks! It hurts me to know that he would of started his first year of school! It just sucks so bad to sit here and think about all of the firsts that we as parents have to miss! It almost feels like we have been ripped from all of the things that we are supposed to see as parents!! I would really like to talk to you by e mail if you would please e mail me at kristal.p1982@yahoo.com I feel like we may be able to help each other! I try to talk to my mom about my son and she just changes the subject I dont really have anyone to talk to! If you dont want to talk that is fine I totally understand!
-KRISTAL
i like what Anonymous wrote… I don't think I could say anything as great as that!
I would give all I have if it meant Tuesday got to be here with you.
hugs!
Dear Jess, I am so sorry for the aching loss you, your husband, children and family and friends are feeling.I only came across your blog this afternoon. Tuesday has touched my heart and you have all been on mind all day. My words are clumsy but I could not end today without sending you all my love and very best wishes for the future ahead. K xxx