Other than the bald head and the size 2T footy jammies that look like size 11 on her, you wouldn’t know that this cute kid was sick. Is she sick? I guess the nature of having cancer qualifies you as being sick, but is sick actually a frame of mind? She doesn’t act sick. Ok, I just looked it up and Webster’s describes sick as: effected by physical or mental illness.
So I guess that yes, she is sick. (Yes, I know she is sick) This is such a mind game. We picked up the boys at the bus on the way home from he hospital. Axel ran up to the car and looked at Tuesday and asked “Is Tuesday’s cancer all gone now?” I felt like the teacher on Charley Brown while trying to explain it to him. ”Wah wah. Wah wah. Wah wah wah.” I know this is so confusing for them. What I wanted to say is “Crap, Axel, I don’t know if her cancer is gone. Is it gone from the spots on her femurs? Is the spot near her heart gone? Is the main tumor still shrinking? What is this bruise on her shin all about? Should I freak? Is her color better or worse today. Does she need blood? Is she extra tired? Drinking enough? Eating enough? Sleeping too much? Why is her nose runny? Is she getting sick? Who just coughed?
Fucking cancer.
Last night I went out with another cancer mom, (I know it’s not quite as trendy a moniker as ‘hockey mom’) that I met at the hospital. She also happens to be a twin mom, so we share a lot of the same concerns and fears. M recently completed her treatment and is a brain cancer survivor. They are now dealing with the fall out from 3 years of chemo and brain surgeries and medications. A clear reminder that life as we knew it is forever gone. She said it best, it’s not just Tuesday that has cancer. The whole family has cancer.
Cancer doesn’t have us.
Here are some pictures of us enjoying a beautiful fall day in Colorado.
Those are great picture, ALL of your kids are so gorgeous 🙂 Looks like a fun time, just what you guys needed. I especially love the girls’ t-shirts, I’ll have to find out where you got those!
I love when you said “cancer doesn’t have us”…I think you are all amazing.
Such great photos Jess – thank you for sharing. You all continue to be in our thoughts daily.
I really loved your pics! Looks like a fabulous trip! I LOVED the girls’ outfits! You are so cool! And you have such a beautiful family! I am soo soo happy that Tuesday is doing so well and I will continue to pray for her everyday!
JK,
You are one of the most inspirational moms I have ever known! Tuesday is blessed to have you for a mom. I am so glad you guys are home, and that Tutu did better this round than before. Everyday she is getting better, and God will continue to keep her sheltered under his wing. Hugs and prayers always headed your way.
I remember getting the LiveStrong Cancer Management book (or whatever they call it) right after Rich’s mom was diagnosed. It stated that EVERYONE in the life of someone diagnosed with cancer is a survivor. I didn’t even know what to think of that when I first read it.
Now I know that never a truer statement has been made.
Tuesday's Prayer Day
Psalms 121 I WILL lift up mine eyes to the hills, from whence cometh my help …
Dear Lord Jesus I ask that you stretch forth your strong and mighty hand and overwhelm this family with Your Love & Peace & Comfort & Strength & Help. Give them the confidence they need to stand strong in You and to believe for the healing you have in store for their precious daughter Tuesday. Fill their needs in a big way for Your glory. Amen
Jenn H's mom
Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one feeling that way about cancer about life about having an infant battling such nasty disease.I know it will not change things but maybe help you see that you can make it like we are making it. And you know what i cordially agree with you, as much as everyone always gives you the bs and try to say positive, and tell you everything is ok…just feel free to say that none of this sh…it is ok and you are having a crap day! I have those same questions bugging me every day, every moment, every afternoon, every week, every months, the same stuff…And I know exactly how frustrating this can be how scary and how freaky it can be, Brandan has an immune system cancer, EVERYTHING is so freaking scarry…we just learnt to chek the kids every moment and if ANYTHING does not look right we go in. I know it sounds crazy, but it is our peace…my daughter asks those same questions, the other day she was sick and felt really, really bad she looked at me and I could tell there was fear in her eyes…she looks at me and says Mom Am I sick like Brandan? It killed me. I wish I could tell you that it gets better as time goes on or when you are declared cancer free, but it just really does not. They are talking to us that with what Brandan has there is relapse happening up to 10 years now. That is eternity but as time goes on my frustration is turning into gazing, and I stare at my kids and as I check them every minute I also take my time to realize how blessed we are to have them. I spend my time checking them franticly all the time but while I do it I stop and hug them (check for bruises bumps) listen to their lungs and heart, while hugging them and enjoy every moment with them. We stopped social stuff or scaled to the minimum but it is ok, we spend more time at the park alone when noone is there and take hikes early when everyone is asleep. We shop at the grocery stores at 11:00 pm and snuggle in the middle of the day as I am working. Life is never gonna be normal like we knew it. But we just adopt as best as we can, and you can too. Like you said normal has taken on a different form. Our daughter had to skip school all last year, and goes to kindergarten, but knows to not hug, kiss, share almost anything with other kids. Terrible if you ask me but she tells me it is ok she knows why she is doing it, she wants Brandan safe too. She throws tissy fits too, when I have to drag her away from the playground when kids with runny noses show up. And we feel like freaks too, that is why we hang out with other cancer families, friends and teams from the leukemia society and hardly see our family. They do forget that if they have a fuc…king cold and cough they cannot come NEAR us, and they DO…I am tired of explaining myself and when someone is giving me looks on why I do not let my kids near other kids and why they cannot touch anything and why they need to wash their hand all the time, I just don’t care.But you know what it is still our life and we still get a chance to love Brandan and he is here to love us more than anything on the world, and YOU HAVE TUESDAY. And that is worth all the crap we have to deal with…But it took us some time to settle in with this mess and I have many days when I try to close my eyes hoping this was just a bad bad dream…we love you guys and if you ever want to talk, ever feel you are at the end of your rope and just want to talk call me! I work at home full time..I have to be near a phone, I will answer…303-805-0151
Hickeys
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brando
You have such a amazingly beautiful family.
The pictures are great!
I continue to pray for you all.
Oh Jess! My heart breaks for you. I can feel your pain in your words and you just need to know there is such a HUGE plan for your family. God will see you through, even through these hard times with unanswered questions.
Your family looks so happy to be together and that is just BEAUTIFUL to see.
God bless you all!
For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins…
Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. O, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. Forgive all my sins. Psalm 25:11, 16-18
You are an amazing person JK with an amazing family. You will beat this. But I already know you know that.
I was thinking of you this weekend. We were in SouthBend IN at the Notre Dame campus for a game. I took the kids for a walk on campus and we went to the grotto to say a prayer for Tuesday. I posted some pics on my blog if you want to check it out. It is the most peaceful place I have ever been.
As always we are thinking of you all the time.
Such a great post girl! Please know that you are still in my thoughts an prayers. And happy this round is over.
I can’t get over how much Piper looked like Axel in those pictures. I did a double take. The shirts the girls were wearing rocked. Your family just looks so happy to be together. And honestly- if Tuesday had hair you would never know she was sick looking at her.
Hey Charlie and Jess! We’ve been thinking and praying a lot for y’all since this summer. From reading your posts, it is clear you are not alone in this journey and I am sure that is of great comfort. May the grace of our Savior continue to sustain you day by day. May your lives continue to be defined and shaped by his love, not the cancer. May your family experience God’s peace and comfort. We love you.
Yay to being home
Yay to having a fantastic day out as a family.
Cancer doesn’t have you.
That b/w photo of Piper smiling is OMG gorgeous and Spencer is such a ‘dude’. Love him.
Great pictures!!! I´m so glad that you are home
Although my sister was in her 20’s when she had cancer I know exactly what you are going thru. The entire family is affected in ways people who do not go thru could never imagine.
My Family and I think of Tuesday and your family often……….
Hi Whitts! I’ve been checking your blog just about everyday…love getting the updates and seeing the photos; both help me feel a little more connected. Missing you, thinking of you all, and sending my love from the Midwest.
Kelly
Man, you have some ultra cool and hip kids there! I need to hire them as my personal stylist! Love the pants tucked into the wellies, Piper. JK – your little girl and your family is such an inspiration to all of us. I’m eating ice cream with my fingers next time!
xo
lisa
Tuesday’s Grammy can’t read these without
a good cry!!
Thank you all for the wonderful prayers.
Especially heartfelt and tear producing are
the posts from families with loved ones
struggling with this “dread disease” !
Please know we lift your loved ones up in
prayer as well.
We love you, Lord!
Amen and amen.
Hi:
I stumbled upon your blog and let me first say, congratulations on being such a strong fighter! I recently survived end stage cancer. I started a blog to raise Cancer Awareness. I work very hard on this blog and do my best to speak about cancer in a very honest upfront manner. I am always having guest posts from other cancer fighters because all cancer is so different and each story needs to be heard.
Would you like to do a guest post on my blog? Maybe we could get even more prayers for your beautiful daughter! I would be more than honored to have you post something on my blog anytime! Please let me know. You can email me or just leave a comment.
-Meaghan
http://www.cancerlost.blogspot.com
megse5@netscape.net
As always, I am late. Story of my life! lol
I am so glad that Tuesday does not act “sick”! Glad she is being able to enjoy the family outings. The pictures are great! It is so wonderful to see pictures of your family together where everyone has a smile on their faces!
Love you guys! Praying daily!!
You’re right…CANCER DOESN’T HAVE YOU!!! Always fight and always live and always do! All of you are doing a fantastic job living:) I am proud and inspired. Please call me anytime!
Estelle
303-918-6951
We are stopping by to let you know that we are thinking of you a lot and hoping that you are truly able to step away from things and enjoy your time with your kiddos lately between rounds. We had such a different treatment than everyone else, our treatment was 6 rounds of chemo (average 28 days)that made Brandan very very sick as he was severely allergic to his chemo drugs and he had higher than 104 degree fevers for at least 23-25 days every round with heartrate above 200 and bad bad rash from top to toes – I am still not sure how took it like he did) and parallel to that he received 6 rounds of chemo in his spinal fluid/brain as his cancer spread to to his central nervous system where chemo cannot reach…yuk. But we were inpatient for 6 months straight as his treatment made him have 0 counts for 23-25 days every round basically all the time…it was too dangerous to leave the hospital with no immune system at all. Sometime I am feeling blessed that we did not do the back and forth I truly admire everyone else who has to deal with that. i sometimes think that when you go back and forth and try to make things “normal” as possible it is so much harder and so much more work than just accept that your baby is just very sick and you just don’t have normal days anymore…not sure…We are thinkin of you a lot and if you every need to talk or need a run to the grocery store or need anything else helpwise just call, really please we are in Parker and I am sure we can swing by to help if you need anything…we can try to meet in a park if that would give you some break too, let us know…
Tons of hugs are coming your way
Hickeys
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brando
Heavenly Father, Thank you for Tuesday and the Whitt family. Let them feel your presence every step of the way through this horrible disease and after Tuesday is completely free of it. Wrap your arms of comfort around them and renew their strength and hope. Bless each one! Lord please protect Tuesday from any illnesses and germs, especially now with the state of her immune system. Let us give You the glory for all You have done and continue to turn to You, believing ALL things are possible through You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
I am so sorry that I missed this post originally, and missed leaving a prayer last Tuesday. Please know that you are all in my thoughts, prayers, and heart each and everyday even if I am to scatterbrained to remember the day of the week. All my love, Jenn.
Tuesday looks great!!! I’m bummed I keep missing you on your visits to the hospital… one day I will see you in the cafeteria! Thanks so much for the card!
cancer does not have you. love has you good and surrounded. just wanted to say still praying. i thought of you and tuesday the other day while reflecting on the fact that my boys were born on a tuesday night. i hope they l;earn the grace part as well as your tuesday has. she is like this shining light when i see her pictures. and you, mama, well you are nothing short of amazing. a mud room, huh? sounds like something we would do round the yates place. that last post made me giggle just a bit, which is an awesome thing when reading here. huge hugs from another twin mama that wished she was loser so she could give them in person.