There seems to be this notion out there that I am somehow stronger than you. That you couldn’t survive the death of your child. (you could) That this is your worst nightmare. (Yep, mine too) Today I am weak and broken. I appear to have a slow leak. Tears fall 2 or 3 at a time because there is no time, no place, to let them all out at once. Maybe if you were left alone, but then, my God, you’d be left alone. So it seeps out slowly, with every thought of her, which is every thought.
I’m afraid her face is fading from my memory. Her presence is still so present, but I’m forgetting her face. How can that even be? I stop on the stairs and swallow up her image in the pictures that hang there. Reminding me even more of her absence. My memory is shifting from cancer Tuesday to healthy Tuesday but they both feel more like dreams than memories. Or is this the dream?
Right now I am not strong. Not even in the mood. But you will gather, as you do, and you’ll hold me up and you will pray for my strength and for peace, two prayers that have always been answered by our loving God. You know how much I must hurt. He knows how much I hurt.
Something tells me He hurts too.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers Jess. Both God and your friends will bring you the strength you need when times are tough and you can’t seem to gather it on your own. It is never going to get easier, but it will get better. Lots and lots of love 🙂
Amen. It’s ok to be broken down to your core sometimes. That is when God blesses you the most.
Sending prayers your way!
You are amazing. Not because you are stronger or better or any other type of “er” You are amazing because you are still going. You are reaching out. You are still going.
You are in my prayers. Tuesday is in my thoughts.
You are still going.
There are good days, and there are bad days. I didn’t loose my child, I lost my mother as a child. And by that I mean I was simply 25. It’s been 5 years and today was one of those “bad” days. My son, now 7, had a school program and they happened to sing “What a wonderful world”, which happened to be my mothers all time favorite song (played at her mother’s funeral, my wedding, her funeral and so forth)… tears slipped out as well… but only a few. I can’t remember my mothers voice but I’m told when I talk, I sound just like her. Tuesday will always remain in you, in little moments with your other precious babies… I pray for you all.
Oh my goodness, your words bring tears to my eyes, tears for Tuesday, for her siblings, for her Daddy and for you, her Mommy.
It’s good to cry though. We cry with you.
We are not strong because we want to be or because we are, but because we have to be.
It’s ok to be weak, to feel weak, to let it out. Friends and family are their to help us, to carry us to give us strength. You can have some of mine. Anytime.
You are strong. Even when you are weak. What you may feel is weakness as you blog about being broken, I view as strength. That you have the courage to share your feelings with so many people, many (like myself) who you do not know in person. This to me is strength beyond words.
I am so sorry. I loved Tuesday through your love for her, through your blog. I can’t try to imagine the pain you are enduring but I can say that I just passed year two of losing my father to cancer.
I too seem to forget his face. I have to depend on pictures and I have them almost in every room.
One memory I have is when I hugged him I put my face between his neck and his chest and I felt safe there. If I close my eyes I can still feel that moment. It’s really all I have left. I hope you have a favorite memory of Tuesday’s touch that you can keep with you so when you feel as though you can’t see her face, you can still feel her touch.
I’m sorry this is so long but I have one more thing…
You mentioned not being able to cry because you are not alone but then you are ok with not being alone because then you would feel alone. Sometimes being alone is ok too. You can take a walk by the Horse Park (it was so pretty there) just find somewhere quiet and talk to God or Tuesday or just cry. It’s ok.
My heart. My prayers. They are always with you and your family.
Praying for strength for you when you are weak. Sometimes God wants us to be broken so that we see his glory all that much more.
speechless….
Lean on me my sweet sister. I will hold you and wipe away your tears. I love you.
remember we are there, your community, though our hands are not solid around you as we are too far…we stretch across this country, this world even and we cannot even imagine, but we will grieve with you and for you.
we pray for you here in our space, every day and lift our small voices in song for your tuesday and piper, your loves and the whole family. strong and weak seem to co-exist, but her face always is there.
sending love and deep holding hugs.
The loss of anyone near to you will always be hard. There are days that I still cry over my loved ones.
But tears are God’s way of cleansing the soul. So let them loose!
Tears are always a sign of confidence in yourself rather than a weakness.
Prayers are being sent your way. . . .
Thanks for this post, it is so true….
I am praying for you. I am praying for peace. Atleast a moment… It is true, if i were do loose a child, I would survive. I wouldn’t want to but I would, mostly for the others… You ARE stronger than us (who have not lost a child) because you HAD to be. You were put through this, i don’t know… test, by god. He chose Tuesday, and by choosing her, he chose you as well… I know we come on here and praise your strength and admire you for “holding up” and I am sorry. You do not need to be strong for us, you don’t need to keep it together. I am still crying for Tuesday. I can not imagine how lost you feel…
You are not alone in your pain. You are so very very loved.
You continue to amaze me. You are right we would all find a way to get thru (I can say that I have done it) but there is something about you and the way you share the rawness that makes each and everyone of us respect you.
Indeed I do pray for more Strength and Peace for you.
Blessings.
BlogBaby
I’m crying with you right now. Many many hugs and prayers.
Prayers from Washington state for peace and strength.
Amy
Praying and loving you JK..it is ok to be broken, it is good to let yourself cry and feel…you will NEVER forget and our God will NEVER fail to answer our pleas for peace and strength. So beautifully said…he is hurting with you.
Take what strength I have, it’s yours.. draw upon me and all of we strangers here in the blogosphere who in our own ways loved her to. We stand not just beside you, but behind you when you stumble, in front of you when you need to be led and not just lead, above you when you need help back up. And there is also where Tuesday is found, in each of us and in you. I wish you peace sweetie, a peace that I’m sure will come someday. Until then I am, we are.. here for you.
Just want you to know tht I’m here and thinking of you, all of you.
Nicole G
Hi, Jessica. I feel that, too. My Nick seems to become more and more a memory as time passes. He was real, right? I really have 3 kids, right? I am losing the essence of him–touching him, the sound of his voice, and the adorable things he did and said. How our family was different because he was here. Now it’s different because he’s not here. I don’t have any profound answers or anything, I just wanted you to know that someone else feels it, too–you are not even alone in this, the lonliest journey. But we do know that we will be together again, in a holy place, and the next time it will be forever–that is so much longer than this. With love and hope, Kelly McCord
It is something about how genuinely you write, your humble and unjudging perspective that shines, you have a way of opening up the hearts of the community that has found you or already had the privelege of knowing you, and this has brought together a beautiful glimpse of humanity. I, we, want/need to read that you are ok, your whole family is ok, and even when you are in one of the more heartbreakingly difficult times, you still let us know that you are somehow ok and that reminds me that a bit of humanity, with all it’s glorious mountains and devastatingly deep valleys, is ok too. I pray for your continued strength and peace and I wish there was more that I could do for you. How about some nice California wine?
I believe He hurts too.
I don’t see what the big deal is about being “strong” anyway. It’s not like this is some sadistic test and we have to pass it by having good manners about our kid dying. It absolutely sucks, and I think we bereaved mothers have every right to have a big temper tantrum about it,and cry as much as we need to, until we lose our voice and we feel we’ve let the Earth know that it ought to be grieving too. The whole world should be grieving. It should. Because it lost Tuesday, and she is so special. And you have every right to be weak without feeling you’ll be judged for it.
May our prayers sustain you. God hold you us, as He has done for me
Oh Sweet JK! You are in my prayers! Please know that it is okay to be weak! There is no right time and life with never be easy…it might get easier…but never easy! Tuesday is missed and not forgotten!
Jess,
I wish I hadf a magic potion to ease your pain. But I don’t. I will keep praying, and keep sending you hugs! You are strong. And you will never forget Tuesday’s face. I just wish we were all closer so that on days like this we could physically hold you and give you strength through us.
Jess,
I am so sad knowing you are hurting so much today. Perhaps I should call you and make you laugh again about the absurd things that I say that are completely inappropriate????
I wish I could make the hurt go away, but I know it isn’t possible. So, I will pray with you, for you, for your family, for your pain and your faith…
Love you!
Debi
I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. ~Psalm 18.1-2
I know that feeling all to well, It is a feeling that I never thought I would be able to survive but you are right you put one foot in front of the other and you get through the day without one minute passing that you havent thought about your beautiful child. All of those feelings just rushed back to me as I read this post, and it has been 12 years since I had to say goodbye to my daughter. I remember I had to go in the closet one day and just cry I had to let it out and just feel my wonderful God wrap his arms around me and let me mourn my loss. He knew exactly what I was feeling..I am so truly sorry for your pain. I hope you know how much Tuesday’s life is blessing so many.. God Bless
Praying. Praying for strength. Praying for you. For Charley, Spencer, Axel and Piper. Sending love to you all. It is ok to let the tears fall. Friends will understand. They will lend a shoulder, they will cry with you. That is what we/they are here for. Even though I am hours away, I cry with you.
Love Always
your blog continues to be such an inspiration. I think of you and your family and hope that each day will perhaps get a tiny bit easier.
Lifting you up. He’ll always have you in the palm of his hand.
JK, you humble me with your words, because I can think of no one who has to have more strength right now than you. I wish you peace, love and light as you find your way through a dark day. I cannot even fathom the depth of the sadness that you feel, but know you do not feel alone. Continue to share your thoughts and remembrances of Tuesday, her light shines through you and the beauty of your words. I don’t pretend to understand why she is no longer here on Earth, but I hope you find strength from the love that pours out to you and your family from all over the country. Through you, Tuesday continues to touch many lives.
Love,
-Bethany (from NH)
you are fantastic though…and transparent…and that makes you real and that’s why we love you. still pray for you all a lot…
my heart does break for you.
You may feel like your forgetting Tuesdays face.. but your not.
It will be back brighter and stronger than ever.
Etched in your mind for eternity, until you meet your sweet girl in heaven.
With each tear, comes a tiny peice of hope. It is Tuesday saying to you “come on mom, you can do this”
Oh, this is harder than hard. It’s OK to not have any strength sometimes and to lean on others. I wish we all lived closer sometimes so we could hold you up in person. I will never forget TuTu’s beautiful face, and neither will you. xoxo
Praying always for strength and peace for you Jessica. Missing your Tuesday is something you will always do now and must be so impossible to bare. It is Gods strength I see in you as you walk this road each day. I don’t think you will ever forget Tuesday’s sweet face. It might not be as clear through the pain and sorrow right now, but she is in the special and tender place in your heart, always just a thought away. I am praying for you and your family. I am so sorry that it hurts so very much.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
I miss her too…..and I don’t even know her….you have brought her into my life, into my living room across the country. Every day it feels like I have lost something too. I think…what is it that I am seeming to be missing….and I think it is her. There is no possible way that you are losing her image because she is with you every time you write and I know this because if she wasn’t I would not know her as well as I feel I do. You’re right, I don’t feel like I could do what you are doing. There is nothing else for you to do except what you are doing. I still cry for hours when I read a post like this one from you so I know if I still feel this way, you will be broken and weak for a long time. Embrace it, because it is yours and know one else can get you through this….you and Tuesday will work it out and you will have peace as I am sure she does now. Thinking of your family,
When I read your words, I am reminded of that hollow pain that comes when your child leaves. I promise that one day it does get easier. I know I used to cringe when people would tell me that. One day you will find joy again. One day your heart will feel full again but that doesn’t mean she will be any less of a memory or forgotten. Tuesday will be remembered for many things. In her short life, she accomplished so much and she will go on to help people in her absense. Cherish your memories, if you have to write them all down. We are all here, praying for you, praying for Tuesday. Your family is loved, your little girl is loved.
“But if God felt a hammer in the palm of His hand, then God knows the way we feel…And then love lasts for ever and for real”
David Wilcox
from the song “For Real”
Lifting you up in prayer!!
Go figure. Just today, I said to my dear friend, “I don’t know if I could handle it, I’m not strong enough, not like the women I know (and know of) that have lost their children.”
And then I stopped and I said, “No that’s not true. It didn’t happen for Asher, he was “fixed” by doctors…BUT if he wasn’t and I lost him, I would survive somehow and I would always think of him as a miracle, even if his life was short.” (and I would lose my mind for a long while)
I just don’t get why some of us get to keep ours in this life and some don’t.
I don’t know that I’m supposed to “get it.” I too think sometimes the only thing that’s left to do is to remember He hurts with us.
I ramble.
Peace and prayers to you,
Heather
Honey, you know we are all here to lean on when you need it. We will help to lift you up. We love you and your family and we will always be here for you.
Praying for you.
I wish I had the right words…
You have my prayers.
I can’t imagine your pain, God is with you always, I am praying for your family.
“Something tells me he hurts too.”
Wow. Such a powerful statement that we sometimes forget in our grief.
Yes I’m sure he does… How could he not when all of this wonderful blogging network hurts for you and your family. Our hearts hurt and break to think, no imagine the pain that you endure daily. Tuesday’s sweet face will never fade from your memory, how could it? Ciber (((hugs))) on a day that I think you need it…Sam.
maybe as Tuesday makes her little home inside your heart, the memories become less visual and more spiritual? i know that the memories that are truly a part of my soul are more feelings rather than images. does that make any sense at all?
Being strong does not mean you bounce out of bed every day with a big smile. It doesn’t mean never crying, holding yourself together. It doesn’t mean when someone says “I’m so sorry about Tuesday” you respond with a huge grin “That’s okay, she’s in a better place!” and really mean it.
You lost your child. You should feel broken. Empty. Angry. Bitter. All of it. What will make you strong, is that every time you fall down you will get back up again. You will show your children that it’s okay to grieve, to be in pain, to cry and express it. And you will show them that there’s a light on the other side, and that nothing is so terrible that you can’t get up and keep moving.
Don’t be ashamed. You’re not stronger or weaker than anyone and you will deal with your loss in your way and in your time. There will be people who understand that, and those who don’t. But judging from the comments here, most will, and you will not be alone.
Marie.
I think of you all the time. You are allowed to be broken. This is your time to be broken. You hurt. We hurt. God hurts.
You will never forget Tuesday face. You will never forget her kisses, or her laugh. She will forever be with you, watching you, guiding you, loving you, and waiting for you to forever be bonded with her again.
Love you Jess.
After I had a 3rd miscarriage I was sitting in a meeting at church. One of the ladies was speaking and said something about God crying with us. I felt a touch at that point. It touched me to the core knowing that He wept with me.
Prayers.
When you cry, we all cry. I don’t pretend to know this walk you are on but I will continue to pray for you and your family. I have thought so many times since learning about Tuesday, how I wish this was a bad dream and tomorrow all is new again. Both my grandmothers lost children and they did survive by Gods grace. God will move one foot in front of the other on days when you can not.
praying for your strength right now! I only wish I could do more for you. Just let it all out. We want to help!
when we are broken and feel the weakest, thats when the grace of the holy spirit picks us up and helps us to keep going. tuesday would want you to live your life to the fullest so that you will have many many memories to tell her about when you are together again. you must know in your soul that you will be with her again.
this is a temporary separation honey, hold onto that if it helps.
i am so sorry for your loss.
christine
This posting touched me. It was so poetic. A beautiful way to express the grief that must consume you.
Always prayers for you,
Shelly
strength and hugs to you
Dear Jessica,
I am another mom who lost a daugther to cancer. My daughter, Lydia, age 5, and adopted from China, succumbed to AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia) on February 24, 2009. I had just written an email to a friend who also lost a child about the very thing about which you recently blogged. It is indeed a nightmare, and I am going through the maddening experience of trying to remember everything about Lydia because I am so afraid I will forget. I do somewhat forget the “old Lydia”, as she used to refer to her pre-cancer self. I forget what it was like to comb her hair, or braid her hair, or just touch her hair. It seems another lifetime ago. Each day is a constant battle to remember and at the same time forget…because sometimes remembering is too sad yet forgetting is unthinkable. So I am stuck in the paradox of wanting to remember and hoping to forget. Know that I understand where you are.
God Bless you and your family.
Monica Miyashita
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita
When your strength is lacking, He can step in and hold you up. We continue to pray for your family as you sometimes walk this journey and other times get carried by the prayers and His strength.
These words are so very special and full of comfort! Praying in Seattle!
John 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
Prayer Bears
My email address
I wish I knew the right words to say. I wish I could ease your pain just a little or even to make it possible that Tuesday didn’t have cancer and didn’t die.
I would do it if I could.
I ache for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
hugs!
We all think we “can’t survive” life’s cruelties, but we do. We take one baby step at a time and cry one painful tear at a time until, one day, we realize that we can remember with a smile instead of a tear. We can tell a story of the departed and laugh.
It’s okay to cry. Ugh….that sounds so ridiculous, but I think as mom’s, we need to be given permission sometimes. It’s okay for your children to see you cry sometimes. They’ll come to understand that Tuesday will not be forgotten and that it’s normal to miss her and cry about it.
One last thing…we don’t know how “strong” we are until we’re put to the test. The reason we all think you’re stronger is that you’re being tested and we’re all watching helplessly from the sidelines.
Chris in NY
I want to find some really inspiring words or something encouraging to say to you now and I have nothing. I don’t understand the pain of losing a child, I do understand the pain of losing someone so close to you that part of you is gone with them, never to be retrieved. after my mom died, for months, I called her cell phone just to hear her voice on her voicemail message thing. Remembering, recalling, reciting … all needs so deep that it feels like your heart may burst into tiny pieces if you cannot recall something for a moment. I want so badly to say to you that time heals but in my experience, time doesn’t heal, it only allows us to learn to live our lives in a what I call “our new normal state of being” I think maybe time teaches us new coping skills when the ones we’ve depended on prior began to fail. But the one thing I do know for certain is this … the sun will come up in the morning. I may not want it to but it’s going to and I can either choose to rise with it or not, it’s up to me. I think Tuesday waits on you to rise with the sun every morning.
hugs
He is right there next to you waiting to catch you when you fall ITS OK he is there for you.
Your words are so beautiful, heartbreaking.
Thinking of you.
Oh, dear Jess. Strength is something that God gives us as we need it. And it’s only looking back that we see it, we don’t see it inthe here and now when we need it. . . .and now I need to remember this myself. I’m praying for you too.
surrounding you in prayers for peace, for strength, for comfort.
When my fsther died I could only remember him sick for so long. All other visions of him healthy were gone. Then one day he came to me in a dream he was healthy. More and more the healthy dreams replaced the sick ones. These dreams help me through life even now. I am not trying to compare the loss of my fsther to your loss because they are apples and oranges. But I am hoping that your healthy memories of Tuesday will become more and more clear. I do think most people could survive a loss p a child and find some way to keep living their life but nobody could do it with such grace as you do. You and Tuesday inspire me every day.
Feel weak her memories will carry you through these kinds of days.
She will always be there and she will never fade. Sending warm hugs and thoughts your way.
Thinking of you. loved the post.
Praying for you. I’ve been reading for a short while now…just before Tuesday went on to Heaven. Not sure I’ve ever commented. My son also had a brain tumor (AT/RT), which had spread to his spine. We’re due to finish chemo in June. And even though we’re in the midst of the fight, it’s unfathomable the pain it must be to lose your child.
Many blessings to you and your family. I’ll be praying for angels to come hold your spirits up.
Much love,
Stacie Smith
It is okay to be broken. God is hurting also, but he will take care of you. You are stronger than you know and stronger than I could ever imagine. I cried reading your words and pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing.
so true…..
still praying…still thinking of her too…..
"blinded by the light" came over the radio at work the other day and i couldn't help but shed a tear picturing your little angel in her tutu….
i'm so glad i found your blog….i really am…..stay strong…we're all thinking of you & your family.
Jessica –
For whatever reason, this post finally moved me to submit a comment. I found your story days before Tuesday flew to Jesus. As a twin mom, I can't imagine the pain of losing a child – let alone 1/2 of a pair. The icing on the cake was when I realized you lived just 15 miles down the road from us (we're in Aurora).
I pray for you & your family. You have a strength that you may not realize now – but I see it through e-mails and heard it in your office during the Children's Miracle network (I broke down in the middle of the day at work when I heard you on the radio).
Please know that your story has touched so many and that we are praying for your (and your family's) strength and peace.
I read this post and as I read all the comments, the thing that crosses my mind is the writing “Footprints”. I know we have all read it a hundred times. He will carry you when you cannot carry yourself. I just wish that I could help you carry this heavy weight on your heart when you needed it most.
I was reading through the comments and I love what Deb said, that maybe “memories become less visual and more spiritual” and that maybe the “memories that are truly a part of my soul are more feelings rather than images”. That made so much sense to me, and I hope it helped you too.
Keep going, JK. I will continue to pray for your strength and for peace for you.
Jess, I know that your heart is hurting and so is God’s and so are so many of us that love you. I think of all of you each and every day and always say a prayer for you. I also think of Tuesday everyday.I look at her pictures and remember all the good times I had with her. I talk to people everyday about her or they ask me about her journey in this life and how all of you are coping with her passing. I tell them that you are doing as well as can be expected and they, like me, are amazed at how much Tuesday touched all of our lives. All of my friends read your blog and do many wonderful thinks in Tuesday’s name. We are all so proud of you.
I can not fathom the pain you are feeling but I believe that you become your strongest during adverse
times. That is when you are the most open to receive our love and God’s love and perhaps let us be apart of your healing. I am writing the words to one of the sweetest songs I have ever heard and they remind me of you and your love for Tuesday.
Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don’t know
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
Some say love is holding on and some say letting go
Some say love is everything and some say they don’t know
Perhaps love is like the mountains, full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it’s cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
We love you Jess and all of your kids and Charley. You are stronger than you think and above all Tuesday will always be with you in your heart.
Aunt SuSu and Uncle Jim
I think I would have cried so many tears my eyes would dry up and fall out. And walk in a daze for a year or two. And cuss a lot. And scream because the sun was shining and I wasn’t. And feel guilty if I laughed. So if you need help finding your eyes or remembering where you are supposed to be or thinking up new cuss words, I can help ya. 🙂 For now, I’ll keep praying for all of you to enjoy your days of love and happiness.
I don’t always comment, but you are in my thoughts often. Praying for your strength and peace…
Jessica,
This post is one I can relate to all too well. I don’t even know what to say when people tell me I am so strong. I certainly don’t feel strong. I don’t even feel like pretending to be strong. I feel guilty for even appearing to be strong. I want to scream when someone tells me they wouldn’t be as strong as me….how do they know? No one knows what you will do until you are in that exact situation. Luckily they do not see the moments when we are alone, broken to the core, devastated beyond every mother’s worst nightmare. We must keep pushing on for our children and our husbands and the twin left behind….we know that in our minds, but how very hard that is to do. Luckily God is there when we don’t even have the strength to continue, and we can at least find peace in the fact He is taking care of our sweet babies until we can again. Praying for you sweetie. Ashley (Webb’s mom) ashleybroach.blogspot.com
I think of your family often and pray for strength and peace for you.
I think we all feel that way when we ourselves haven’t experienced something so tragic. How does one survive it!? And you’re right, we could, and we would, just as you are doing. It’s not easy, it’s not beautiful or heroic, it just IS. I once read a quote that said ‘You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have.’
I haven’t lost a child Jessica, but I have lost someone, a dear dear someone unexpectedly and you do find yourself “forgetting” or struggling to remember and it’s not that you’re losing them, not in the slightest, some things in life are hard to hold on to, even when that’s the one thing we so despratly want to do. I can tell you this, and I know you know it, Tuesday will NEVER be forgotten nor will she fade, not from you, not from me, not from the hundreds of hearts and minds she has touched.
We don’t expect you to be some super natural pillar of strength, and we’re not waiting for you to crumble either, we have no expectations Jessica, only love, support, prayer, shoulders, ears, you name it, we’ve got it.
Hang in there, let the tears fall, come as they may, seeping slowly, falling fast and furious, whenever, where ever, let your hurt out.
I am still praying for all of you each & every day. I wish I had more words of comfort…. I just don't. Have faith…. God WILL carry you through!
Sending prayers from CT tonight for you.
I continue to pray for you as you go through this new phase. I am sorry you have to go down this road you would rather not, but know you have help along the way.
Blessings-
Laura from FL
Sending prayers your way!
You remain in my daily thoughts and prayers!
I think your strength is that you continue to be honest. Thank you for that!
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. I admire your strength through it all.
*hugs* love and prayers. He is your strength.
Thank you for being so honest and open. Being a mother is dangerous because when you open yourself up to so much love, you also leave yourself vulnerable to feel so much pain. My prayers are with you and yours.
However lame this may sound, thank you for sharing your grief, even this small part of it, with us. If it helps, at all, know that your story always gives me strength to be a better Mommy and to appreciate my babies, in all their moods, at every moment. Thank you for teaching me that lesson. I am so sorry that you, or anyone, would ever ‘lose’ a child. I simply cannot imagine the pain.
I AM praying for you, for peace, for Tuesday.
Praying hard for you…that God will give you what you need to keep going. I’ve never been through the loss of a child and it hurts to even imagine what you are feeling. I know you don’t know me…I came across your blog from another. Just wanted you to know that Tuesday has a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. Will continue to pray.
I think of you and your family so much. Your post was so real, so raw. I can see how the slow leak happens when there is no time for the pipes to burst. I am thinking of you so much and sending hugs and prayers.
I recently found your blog and am in awe of your strength and faith. Know that my fam and I are praying for you and yours.
I pray for you and your family each day and ask God to give you peace.
Prayers for you will not stop. It’s too hard for the heart to grasp the absence of someone you love with all your heart and soul and being….it makes no sense. I pray the memories and photographs and video will keep Tuesday vivid in your life….
I wish I had words to help ease your sadness. I don’t though, so I’ll say as I say each time I comment. I’m praying for you and your beautiful family. Praying for peace, strength, and comfort.
I think about you guys often. *hugs*
Praying for you for always. You are strong in our Lord. He will carry you. I have no idea what you are going through, but I can only imagine the devastation. May God lift you through this, may God stregthen and give you peace. May God continue to direct your path.
God luv ya. I will cry with you. It’s OK to. Whenever you want to.
I just read Tuesday’s story and I cried so hard for you and your family’s loss. Tuesday is such a beautiful child and I am just so, so, sorry. I wish I knew what else to say, but I don’t. I said a prayer for your family tonight.
Isn’t it so strange that it is harder to imagine faces of those closest than the ones of those you don’t know so well… I don’t know why but I do know that sweet face in the videos and photos will never be forgotten and always be loved. HUGS, Melinda.
You don’t have to be strong-
“The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him and I am helped.” Psalm 28:7
When I was 15 my dad died suddenly and my younger brothers and I went to a group grief counseling type place that was just for the kids. Maybe you have already thought about something like this for your boys and Piper, just wanted to say for us it was helpful.
Was thinking about you this morning and wanted to stop in and let you know that we’re still holding you up in prayer.
In time you’ll find your footing and your inner strength. Almosts 19 years after losing Joshua, I’m still finding it. It just takes time…and there are no set rules for how long it takes.
You don’t have to be strong though…not all the time. Let yourself be weak and grieve and do what ever it is that gets you through the days ahead.
It’s a morbid club of sorts that mothers like you and I belong to. The price we pay for admission is far too steep. But know this…even in your weakest moments, in your darkest valley filled with shadows, that women like myself walk with you and help carry you through it, as does the Lord.
i stumbled across your blog…from…i don’t know, somewhere, and was comforted.
i lost my son, almost 11 years ago. he was 11 months old, and died from complications with a double organ transplant.
i was comforted because i have many of these same thoughts. i don’t wallow in my grief. i have a family to take care of and like you said, there is no time for it. but there are days i want to…there are days that i think i should.
these years have passed and i wish i could tell you that it’s gotten so much easier. you know as well as i do…that it won’t EVER get easier. it gets different. i cry less often…but, i cry just as hard.
my memories are fading, and i, too, wonder if it was all a dream.
i could go on and on…but, these things you know. and i am so sorry that you do. thanks for sharing your story.